Garrett Gardner is 16 and has a dead musician dad. I guess that sounded insensitive, but Garrett having a dead dad is one of the main reasons he got on this show, which in a way is even more insensitive? Like reverse racism? Garrett's look is OK, but I'm not wild about his whispery, growly voice. He looks really nervous, too. The judges don't push their buttons, but everyone applauds him for trying. The coaches give him some constructive criticism, but it's a no thank you today. Garrett cries, everyone applauds, Christina waddles out of her chair to hug him, and Adam tells him that some day he could be like him if he wishes hard enough on the Christmas star.

Devyn DeLoera has been cursed with being a beautiful "oddball." God curse this beauty that made her so unusual, and damn her ability to wear bandage tops with cutouts like a real freak. What a weirdo. She's singing "Ain't No Other Man" by Christina Aguilera, which makes Christina laugh with pity. She may not be able to wear shirts with cutouts, but Christina has breath control and the ability to destroy that song like no one else ever will. She pushes her button so that she can corner Devyn in a hallway and tell her that that body won't last forever with heavy cigarette breath. Devyn chooses Christina, and I'm afraid for her soul once it meets the force of a jaded Mouseketeer.

Hour two, let's go folks. Bryan Keith's dad is famous in the Latin Jazz world, apparently. People keep asking Bryan, allegedly, why he doesn't use his dad's Latin Jazz connections, and Bryan claims that he wants to do it on his own (blind, where no one can see that he's that he's that guy's son). But I think we all know that no one wants to tangle with the Latin Jazz world, and once you're in, you'll never get out alive. Bryan sings an Adele song like only the son of a Latin Jazz King can. It's the first four-button pushing performance, which is now a thing, I guess. I'm just glad the made-up feud between Adam and Christina is no longer a thing. There were times when it seemed like they really, truly hated each other, and it made me uncomfortable. Bryan chooses Adam, by the way, because Adam totally knows all the employees at Diesel.