The Voice
Blind Auditions Premiere

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: B | Grade It Now!
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The Whims and Caprices of Adam Levine

Devyn DeLoera has been cursed with being a beautiful "oddball." God curse this beauty that made her so unusual, and damn her ability to wear bandage tops with cutouts like a real freak. What a weirdo. She's singing "Ain't No Other Man" by Christina Aguilera, which makes Christina laugh with pity. She may not be able to wear shirts with cutouts, but Christina has breath control and the ability to destroy that song like no one else ever will. She pushes her button so that she can corner Devyn in a hallway and tell her that that body won't last forever with heavy cigarette breath. Devyn chooses Christina, and I'm afraid for her soul once it meets the force of a jaded Mouseketeer.

Hour two, let's go folks. Bryan Keith's dad is famous in the Latin Jazz world, apparently. People keep asking Bryan, allegedly, why he doesn't use his dad's Latin Jazz connections, and Bryan claims that he wants to do it on his own (blind, where no one can see that he's that he's that guy's son). But I think we all know that no one wants to tangle with the Latin Jazz world, and once you're in, you'll never get out alive. Bryan sings an Adele song like only the son of a Latin Jazz King can. It's the first four-button pushing performance, which is now a thing, I guess. I'm just glad the made-up feud between Adam and Christina is no longer a thing. There were times when it seemed like they really, truly hated each other, and it made me uncomfortable. Bryan chooses Adam, by the way, because Adam totally knows all the employees at Diesel.

Daniel Rosa is back on the show. He got nary a button push last season, so he's wearing an almost identical outfit to prove that he's an all new man. I want him to sing the exact same song, too. He doesn't, he sings a weird version of that Gotye song. He sounds better than that awful Bjork sounding girl last year, though. I have to admit, it delights me when Blake and Cee Lo turn around and recognize Daniel. Adam runs on stage and hugs Daniel, which almost strangles him. They're all overcome with emotion. Cee Lo says it was a good rendition, but Adam keeps harping on that "never give up on your dreams" bullshit. But I would prefer that more aspiring singers give up on their dreams. Just saying. Daniel Rosa goes with Cee Lo.

Whoa, Christina's boobs are just heaving out of that top, and her jacket is barely concealing them. I bet some people are happy they never change outfits on this show more than three times.

Based on previews, Anita Antoinette's audition will touch everyone. She just graduated from Berkley and will sing Bob Marley. Her mom is absolutely darling. I mean, she graduated from Berkley, so she's gotta be pretty sure a coach will turn around. Or she'll feel OK if they don't because she has a degree. But apparently she sings it too much like a music major. Adam tells Cee Lo you can't "sing" this song, you have to "bring" it. For whatever reason, she is being penalized for having a great voice.

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The Voice

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