The Voice
Blind Auditions Premiere

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: B | Grade It Now!
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The Whims and Caprices of Adam Levine

They gave Anita some great feedback, and then she gives THEM something to listen to, by singing again a capella. It's even better without the cheesy karaoke track, and Adam goes to a place we normally don't see sexy people go to. To rub it in her face, Adam, Cee Lo, and Blake rise to their feet. Sorry you can't be on anyone's team, Anita, see you next year like Daniel Rosa. Your degree is all for naught because four people in the business didn't turn their giant mechanical chairs around on this farkakte TV show.

This guy Joe Kirkland used to be on a record label but there was some drama and now here he is without the other parts of his band, giving them a big middle finger on national television. Adam and Blake turn around right away, and Christina makes flirty cutesy faces at/for no one in particular. Adam has a similar voice, and Blake also wears vests. What type of man will you become, Joe? A douchebag, evidently. Joe will be on Team Adam, which was probably a good move for him.

Hahaha what is Christina Milian doing here? She's on the b-roll for the Voice website. That has to be because of something in Christina Aguilera's contract about being the only woman and/or Christina on the actual show. You know they recorded that promo for that online content and everyone was like, "Don't let Xtina find out about this." Dirrty.

Jessica Sharpe dressed herself like a chorus girl in a modern remake of Camelot so it's OK that this is a blind audition. She's singing "Son of a Preacher Man," but she should have sung "Xanadu" to complete the picture for us at home. No one turns their chair around, and it seems to upset Jessica. She'll be even more upset now, at home, watching Christina's bitch faces she made from behind that chair. Christina hoists herself on stage again to hug the rejected contestant, and Blake tells her to come back next season and give it another go. He feels that Jessica was meant to be on his team. But not enough to push his button. Maybe there will be a round two for Jessica and Anita. There will likely not be a round two for this slough of no-button auditions we were treated to after Jessica's.

This last audition is going to be a doozy, I can tell from the video intro package, and all the hype it got, and Trevin Hunt's amazing shoes. I like him because he's singing the Beyonce original from Dreamgirls and because his hat is just a little too small. Christina turns around almost immediately, then Blake, then Cee Lo. Adam is just being a little dick for the sake of being a little dick, because Trevin is spectacular. And he's 18. Oh god what have I done with my life.

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The Voice

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