The Voice
Live Final Performances

Episode Report Card
Angel Cohn: B- | Grade It Now!
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The End Is Near

We're welcomed to the finals, and all the judges are dressed really tame for the big occasion... even Christina, who is wearing a grandma sweater. We're reminded that Tony Lucca is representing Team Adam, Cee Lo's gal is Juliet Simms, Xtina's cards are riding on Chris Mann and Team Blake has been whittled down to backup singer Jermaine Paul. The judges have no say tonight, so it is all in America's hands. Why do I worry that moms around the world tonight will unite in support of the exceedingly boring Chris Mann? Honestly, I'd be OK with any of the other three, but he's just mediocre at what he does and has an awful stage presence. I'd rather see fuckin' Pip up there.

Carson tells us that the finalists will perform once solo, once with their Team Captain and then there will be some sort of special surprise. Why do I feel like his idea of a special surprise and my idea of one are two different things? Ending the episode 20 minutes early? That would be a great surprise.

We get to hear the judges talk about the first time they heard the finalists, and they lie how they knew they'd be here at the end. If that was true, there'd be none of that annoying waffling during the elimination rounds, and the last six weeks would have been pointless... oh, wait. Carson reminds us again that this is the first time the singers have been pitted against people from other teams, which may be the one flaw here, since I think certain teams had multiple strong people, while other teams were less filled with talent.

Then Blake tells Carson that he really supports Jermaine, even though he's not the slightest bit country. Christina fake coughs, says she's sick (just because you know your team member sucks?) and says she's really here to support all four finalists. She reminds us that she's a mother... which is a very disconcerting thought. I'm sure he's really proud when he see's mommy popping out of her clothing on a regular basis. Cee Lo's proud that he's got the only female finalist, and he's extra happy with her because she's been battling flu and such in order to be there tonight. Adam talks about his bromance with Tony, and says he's happy not to have any control. He wishes America luck.

Did you know Jermaine Paul was a background singer for Alicia Keys? I had no idea. They don't mention it like fifteen times a night. Anyway, we watch his journey, which I'm not recapping since I've already painstakingly written about his road from backup to lead over the last 100 weeks of my life. He says his goal has been to emotionally connect with the lyrics and do something America would love. Gee, Jermaine. Appealing to America for votes is the entire point of this show. In the rehearsal room he works on "I Believe I Can Fly." Because that song hasn't been done TO DEATH.

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The Voice

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