Lady Antebellum is on stage (with no contestants foisted on them) singing "Wanted You More." I'll admit to drunkenly singing along to "Need You Now," but this trio is not my cup of tea, at all. And this song does nothing for me. And there's not even any crazy staging to distract me.

Tony Lucca only brings back Jordis Unga to do Fleetwood Mac's "Go Your Own Way" with him. He wanted to do the song earlier, but needed a female voice. Do you think the other semifinalists are sitting at home thinking they hate him as much as Christina Aguilera does? It's a good performance, but not especially original. I guess we're just sticking to straight up standards since the votes don't matter here.

Now we're treated to a sketch of The Voice for Animals with Kenan Thompson as Cee Lo. It's mildly amusing, but mostly just so Carson can pimp out Saturday Night Live. I preferred the P&R bit. Carson says the words Justin Bieber and the crowd goes wild. But first, we have to see how the final four deals with being "famous." They go to a party just for them, and they each get a Kia. And now it's a Kia commercial with lots of product placements. Oh, and Chris Mann just turned 30... in case you care. I know I don't.

I was hoping we'd whittle down the Top 4 to a Top 2 by now, but first, there's Bieber. There's a lot of smoke, and dancing... hey, at least he's actually singing, because there are points where he sounds out of breathe. I could live without the Michael Jackson-inspired outfit and crotch grabbing, but you know, I'm sure my kid will think it's wonderful when I let her watch it later this week (she's been excited since the little video clip and him promising to come back). Carson's such a fanboy for Bieber. Know we know what's on his iPod.

FINALLY! It's time to crown a winner, after only an hour and fifty minutes of nonsense. Carson asks Jermaine what winning means to him. Jermaine is speechless. Perhaps Carson could have given them these questions in advance? He finally sputters that it would mean the world to him. Carson asks Chris if he feels like he's grown into his own. Yes, yes he did. What's with these stupid questions? Juliet apparently owed it to herself to get this far, how does she feel now? She only practices singing, not talking, but she's happy to be living her childhood dream. Tony has proven he's more than a Mouseketeer. How does that feel? He's grateful and happy to be a piece of this puzzle.