This is it! Or so we're told. Adam looks like he wants to pass out. Carson says there was some sort of insignificant percentage between third and fourth place, but the person in fourth is... Chris Mann! That's awesome. I mean, not for him. But for me! Awesome. Christina jumps right up out of her seat to hug him. She looks like she's wearing a sparkly adult diaper. One has to wonder where you even buy such a thing. Chris thanks Cee Lo for being badass, and he thanks America. But not Christina? It's odd.
Third place goes to... Tony Lucca. Well, at least he beat Team Christina. Adam jumps on stage for his hug. Blake looks very smug. Tony doesn't talk, as apparently now we're running short on time? We couldn't have done without the forgettable Stevie Wonder cover? Juliet's crying already. Carson says there was only a four percent difference between them. The winner is... Jermaine! Who was my pick to win this thing from the get go. Blake is ecstatic and Jermaine is in shock. He's tearfully thanking everyone he has ever met and anyone who ever voted for him, and mostly Jesus. He just keeps wandering off, and people have to chase him to give him hugs.
Carson tries to get him to sing the show out with "I Believe I Can Fly." There's a great shot of Christina's sparkly ass as the strains of the music starts, and Jermaine embraces his family members and sings. If I had a heart or really had any emotions left in me after this long season, I might be moved, or choked up as he forgets to sing opting instead to spread the love. He does manage a big note at the end with what looks like very little effort.
And that's the end of the show. I can't believe it's over. And I don't have to spend the summer bitching about Chris Mann winning. That's pretty awesome.