The Voice
Live Quarterfinals, Part 2

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Nailing It
d, yeah, I would like to be able to sing like her and really impress the 47-year old paunchy balding men in polyester shirts who hang at the local karaoke bar.

Adam thought it was a soulful, raw and honest performance and he really believed her. Blake is a huge fan of Vicci's and kept waiting for her to explode and was really happy when she did, although he's not the one who has to clean up the mess. Christina liked that she used the whole stage and the ambiance. I'm starting to think that on this show if you can't compliment the performer (or, say are threatened by them) then you compliment the interior decorating. Cee Lo thought she commanded the stage like a professional. He's glad he was able to listen to her and even he had to admit that song was a good choice for her. He is proud of himself. Also her, but mostly himself. He is just so open minded, right? Let's give him a round of applause.

Team Adam's so-called pre-med student Devon Barley (he is a college freshman, enough with the aggrandizing misnomer) is going to sing "Stop and Stare" by One Republic. Obviously I have never heard of that song. Nor the band. Where would I have heard it? The radio? Do people actually listen to the radio? Devon has Tintin hair, a tie, and a leather jacket to give him some mall-purchased preppy edginess. He sings and when the camera cuts to him, Adam Levine makes an "Oh yeah" face, because obviously he is super into this performance and it's touching his soul right now. I, however, think there is something off with Devon's performance. It's very flat or something and seems like he hit his internal mute button. Maybe he can't hear out of his earpiece? I don't know. Maybe he just misses doing karaoke at the student union after finals with his friends? Whatever the cause, he was lame. Everyone cheers anyway. Blake likes that there was nothing on stage but a guy singing (interior design), Christina claims she is "really into him," just not so much his voice. Cee Lo likes that he doesn't look like he sounds, which I think is the only thing that Cee Lo has ever said about Devon. Then Christina interrupts him and they start mumbling at each other and Christina woooos like the woo girl that she is and she squeals and giggles and then Carson tries to sum it all up with the extremely unlikely statement that they are both falling in love with Devon right this very second. Then Carson Daly calls Adam out for being on Letterman and talking smack about the other judges. Adam can't believe that Carson saw that, I mean, who watches Letterman? Adam tells Carson he will fight him if he tells the other coaches what he said about them. He flips Carson off and turns to Devon to tell him that it was a great performance, except, obviously for the voice part.

Remember how last week Blake and Christina ordered some take out and sat around a rented house with their teams and chit chatted? Well those teams lost out and will all wish they had chosen to be on Team Cee Lo Green, because he took his team to the day spa for some treatments. The team all wear bathrobes and sit amid some peaceful bamboo wall treatments and serene potted palms and listen to Cee Lo wax on about recognizing and respecting their differences. He is wearing a black tunic with red stripes and a matching necklace and his itty bitty moustache sits blissfully upon his upper lip like a tiny Buddhist caterpillar. When he is done "mentoring," he claps his hands and a fleet of masseuses come in and pinch at the team's backs, squeezing their shoulders and give the team really lame looking fake back and neck massages. Yay?

Oh god, I think I blocked out the group performances. When we get back to the show, Cee Lo is sitting center stage in a giant afro wig behind a keyboard. Then the horror dawns on you that the whole team has gone 70s-inspired and is performing "Everyday People." Obviously nothing is more horrifying than the sight of Tori and Taylor Thompson in hippie gear banging a tambourine with feathered hair and an earnestness previously only seen on TV in the faces of the poor blighted young'uns on Toddlers & Tiaras. Seriously they are like when the Scooby Gang formed a band and sang, except much much worse. Also, what is Curtis Grimes doing singing this song? Someone should sue. The song finally, blissfully, ends and then to add insult to injury, Carson again banishes us to the social media room, where That Woman is taking credit for "Vicci" trending worldwide on Twitter and the great schlubby wonderful Jeff is waiting to publicly ogle the "legal" Thompson Sister at the encouragement of That Woman. Does anyone have one of those flaming bags of dog poop lying around that I can borrow for a minute?

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