Guess what, guys, Adam Levine is on stage singing his new Maroon 5 song, "Moves Like Jagger" and it has whistling in it and an almost swear word. Adam is really skinny and he is wearing a tight black suit and moving around the stage and I guess it is Jagger-esque? Are people really going to put money into the hands of record labels for this album? Are we sure it's not just really crappy songs that are ruining the recording industry? I mean, I'm pro-whistling in songs, because I'm not dead inside, but it can't be the only thing going for a song. I'm going to stop typing and really listen to this music for a minute so you don't accuse me of not giving the song a chance. Okay. Done. People are really taking singing advice from this guy?
He's got a high squeaky voice... oh hey! Christina's on stage now too. She comes in and wails, adding some depth to the song. Her voice is about two octaves lower than Adam's, which is easily attributed to the fact that Adam is taking estrogen and Christina is not. The two sing together and as the song ends they get near enough to each other on stage that Carson can state definitively, "They like each other." I guess that's the end to those rumors that Christina is a diva, gets paid more than any of the other judges, and Adam is upset about it. Except for the fact that they don't seem to like each other at all, but were probably contractually obligated to perform a song together during the course of the show.
You know what this show needs? More time in the Social Media Circle of Hell. Tweet! Trend! Hashtag! Then the woman who is locked in that social media sweatshop working all hours of every day doing nothing but monitoring trending topics corners Javier Colon and
begs him for water claims that someone on Twitter wants to know how he can balance being a father and being on this show? Duct tape. Problem solved. Okay, but seriously, has this person on Twitter not heard of babysitters? Or dayjobs? Quit making Twitter look bad, people!
Beverly McClellan is next and Christina wants her to sing B.B. King's "The Thrill is Gone," which should really endear her to the youth of America who probably only recognize B.B. King as the other guy in those diabeetus ads with Crystal from American Idol. Beverly plays the song on a bright red piano while she sings a soulful and steamy rendition of the song. She does a solid if understated performance, but I'm not sure if it will enough to take down Frenchie. Beverly finishes the song and goes to stand next to Carson and we get to see that she is dressed like Adam Ant and Prince's love child. I guess she stumped the show's stylists. Cee Lo loved the fact that she played the piano and thought her performance was solid. Christina missed her cue from Carson (again) but finally starts in with a Beverly, Beverly, Beverly. Christina praises the singer and claims she is one of the reasons that she is thankful she signed on to this show. Well, Beverly plus the $225,000 she gets per episode. (Adam, Cee Lo, and Blake get a paltry $75k, while most special education teachers and police officers make less than half of that. Way to be, America!)