The Voice
Results Show

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: C | Grade It Now!
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The One with the Wigs

Next, a segment with the Top 12 talking about how they aren't really famous, but some bored weirdos insist they are. Dez notes that he is single, Sylvia has had marriage proposals, Melanie got kissed by an old woman from the East Coast who pities her, someone wants a tattoo of Cassadee's face (yeah, do it), and people know Michaela as "the mohawk girl." Sorry, Michaela, we can't all matter yet. The worst part of that whole thing is imagining someone explaining a Cassadee Pope face tattoo years later, to a prospective employer.

Then, live, Carson asks Sylvia how it felt to sing "My Heart Will Go On" for America, since it's the first song she heard or sang or something when she moved here from Egypt. She gives a pageant answer, and then it's time for the first two artists to move into the Top 10.

"America has saved," Carson begins with grandiose, "from Team Adam ... Bryan Keith." I don't remember or have much of an opinion of Bryan Keith, but only two will go home this week so it might as well not be Bryan or Keith. We also voted enough for Team Christina's Sylvia Yacoub, who looks absolutely shocked. Good pageantry all around, Sylvia. Then, before the commercial break, a scoreboard pops up to remind us that Team Christina and Team Adam each have 1 point. Like this show is even about that anymore.

Before we find out the other eight artists moving through, Jason Aldean performs, along with Dez Duron and Bryan Keith. Why is he joined by Dez and Bryan? The unexamined show is not worth watching. Dez and Bryan join Jason Aldean about three quarters of the way through the song, and look incredibly nervous. It is clear that this performance has not been well-rehearsed, just like anything happening on a results show involving people expecting results.

Now, more results. America was tasteful enough to save Nicholas David from Team Cee Lo, then went ahead and voted for Dez Duron from Team Christina, too. When Carson says "from Team Christina," Adriana looks like she thinks it's her. It's not.

Christina Milian is up in the skybox, getting the scoop from Jason Aldean that Bryan and Dez "did OK." Thank god she's here, really getting to the heart of things. Then, Christina (Milian, still) plugged "The Voice After Show" sponsored by Sprint. She's going to find out even more of all that stuff we don't care about, and we can watch it online when we have nothing better to do at work than let the next video on NBC.com start automatically.

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The Voice

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