God, Jesus Christ, what is going on up on the stage now? Diego Val, Mackenzie Bourg, Dez Duron, Julio Cesar Castillo, and Cody Belew, "the season's biggest heartbreakers" are singing "Stacey's Mom." They are simultaneously failing to interact with a PG-sexy dancer in a '50s diner waitress outfit. This is my favorite fail of the evening. Cody Belew obviously doesn't give a rat's ass about this show anymore, and my heart grows three sizes as a result. Finally, it is over, and after a quick trip to the Sprint Skybox for Losers, they can get out of those tight jeans.
Let's take a look back at Blake Shelton being Blake Shelton, shall we? He and Michael Buble enjoyed a "bromance," and is, gosh, such a flirt. At least that package was tolerable, and not about Blake Shelton's penchant for pointing.
Ugh, and immediately we get a sneak peak at the next season of The Voice. It's too soon. We don't even know this season's winner. I'm not ready, NBC. Oh wait, it's not a sneak peak, it's a commercial, and it proves that Shakira and Usher are replacing Christina and Cee Lo as coaches. I think Christina is tired, but I really hope Cee Lo gets a final win this season. He is such a great coach. Then again ... Usher!
Back up to the Skybox we go. Christina has the Top 3 up there, and asks them if they like each other. They do, and they've had a great time on the show. It is also Cassadee's boyfriend's birthday. Boyfriend gets a shout-out in the Skybox. What do you know.
Before we can get to the next unforgettable performance, we have to watch another piece of crap. The final Voice confessional segment. Marker, indeed. The lines/jokes are better this time, maybe because the contestants are so tired. Nicholas makes a joke about his beard being part of the witness protection program, Terry jokes about the Scottish Invasion effort. Cee Lo had a pretty good bit about being able to quit his second job as a male exotic dancer, and taking his jewelry off layaway. Good on ya, final confessional.
Cassadee Pope and Terry McDermott join Kelly Clarkson now, with a song called "Catch My Breath" that I am not familiar with. Kelly is a blonde again, and her weight continues to fluctuate with her hair color. Terry sounds really good on duets, I'm realizing, even though he seems absolutely exhausted. Perhaps he's saving his voice for a performance that's a bit more important than this one. He doesn't really seem to know the words, either. Nobody does.