The Voice
Season 3, Live Finale

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Are We There Yet?

It's clear that these women have not sung together very much before, and that this number is not very well rehearsed. This rendition of the song is pretty much compost. I miss Melanie Martinez.

Oh my god, I was sure that we wouldn't have to tolerate much Sprint Skybox this episode, but there is more than ever. Christina Milian's got a contract to fulfill. She has Cassadee, Liz, De'Borah, and Melanie up there, but we only hear from Liz, who is really happy to see Cassadee in the finals. De'Borah wants Cassadee to bring it home for the chicks, and Melanie pretends to want Cassadee to win.

Terry McDermott was saving his voice for this performance of "Baby I Love Your Way" with THE Peter Frampton. I like this very much, and appreciate Peter Frampton not looking like wax. It's nice and easy, and well-harmonized, but I can't help but want to hear Nicholas David sing this song.

Next, they put together "a birthday message" (clip package) for Christina Aguilera. Cee Lo is so kind, to say she has a spicy attitude and fierce competitive edge, when everyone else just compliments her vocal ability. There's also birthday wishes from Ron Faire, Jason Aldean, Rascal Flatts, and the Muppets (including a Cee Lo muppet).

Oh, it's all worth it for this extended preview of Les Miserables. Maybe I can hold on for one more daaaayyyyyyy.

Before we find out who will win, we hear from five artists who definitely did not win. Joselyn Rivera, Lauren Allred, Sylvia Yacoub, Devyn Deloera, and Adriana Louise sing "Best of My Love" and prove to us why we so callously ousted them. To be fair, I like some of these girls individually, and still think Joselyn Rivera got it goin' on. It was not the worst thing we've seen so far tonight.

The three finalists are up to the stage now, so that Carson can tell them we'll know the winner in thirty-five minutes, and so that Cee Lo can roll up behind them in a preposterously long wig, pulled by some sexy elf-ladies in a customized sleigh. Is he dressed as The Lord? Cee Lo says he has gifts for the Top 3, and Christina Milian is dressed in one of those Lifetime Original Movie sexy Santa hoods to present ... A NEW CAR. You thought this wasn't a Take It All promo, or a Kia commercial, but you thought wrong. Nicholas, you will look great in that Sorento.

After all that excitement, only Bruno Mars (featuring no one from The Voice) can keep things going. Bruno Mars is so good live. I'm calling it now: this is the performance of the night. A solid poop in a night full of farts.

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The Voice

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