The Voice
Season 3, Live Finale

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Are We There Yet?

How did Christina Milian get Kelly Clarkson up there in the Skybox? I guess when you're there, you're family. Kelly tells Terry and Nicholas (Cassadee mysteriously absent) not to worry when they don't win.

Nicholas David is bringing back some former contestants to sing "End of the Road," and I could not be more delighted. He chose Trevin Hunte (yay), Dez Duron (huh?), and Amanda Brown (encore). Nicholas truly wants the world to experience any opportunity they have to hear Trevin's voice. The others are just gravy. I think this will be a good one.

It's really nice, but I think Amanda is popping out too much on the top of the harmony. It's the nicest collaboration of the night, though. Let's just find out who won this thang already, can we? Even Carson seems tired, counting down the minutes in a truly "are we there yet?" fashion.

One last collaboration (I hope). Avril Lavigne and Cassadee Pope join forces, inevitably, singing "I'm With You." You know Avril is sick of this song, and embarrassed that she doesn't have anything new to show. It's like watching two girls at karaoke, who know how to split up a song. Get off the stage so we can sing "Sweet Caroline."

Ah, the Cee Lo Green clip package. What can you say about Cee Lo that he hasn't said already? He thought of it first. There's a Muppet of him, god damn it.

Finally, the coaches have all been praised and can take the stage all together. Oh god, they're singing "Good Riddance" by Green Day to clips of themselves from The Voice playing in the background. This is awful, and so weird. A complete waste of talent and resources. A great tribute to graduating high school, though. It concludes with a balloon drop: anything to distract us from the real question: why is Christina wearing that awful wig?

In loving memory: these four coaches, 2011-2012.

The three contestants are on stage, they've received cars, and Cassadee is wearing a sparkly dress. You know what this means: it's time for Carson to stretch out some results. First, a few questions: Terry, what would winning mean to you? It would mean no more bullshit questions, Carson. Next: Cassadee, what does this moment mean to you? It "means a lot," and it was totally worth leaving "Hey, Monday." Nicholas, what would you say to your grandfather now with your success? I would tell him I wish I knew who won this thing, Carson.

Coaches, any words of advice? Yes, you are all winners, except for two of you, technically. I think we might regret starting the suspense music so early on in this portion of the show. We don't hear from Christina or Blake, because someone wasn't really thinking when he mapped out these "questions."

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The Voice

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