Eight contestants remain on The Voice, and most of them are dudes. You would think this meant we had finally rid the word of Team Christina, but she's still hanging on by a Dez Duron-shaped, L.A. Looks-scented thread. Christina Aguilera doesn't get any screen time after Carson's introduction, hardly giving her a second to brandish her paper fan. Xtina is looking good, though, let's not get it twisted. She had more time to work on her hair this week with only one singer left on her team.
Adam, who is backstage with 50 Cent ("may I call you Fitty?") is down to two team members, and it's two girls. Blake Shelton has Cassadee Pope and Terry McDermott, who will undoubtedly be forced to duet this week. Cee Lo Green is leading the scoreboard, with three team members remaining. And yes, there is a scoreboard. It's on Carson Daly's wall, right next to his Minority Report-style computer screen constantly refreshing the top 10 iTunes singles.
Oh, and the other advantage to Team Cee Lo is the surprise presence of Bill effing Withers. Odds are Nicholas David will shit himself, but he'll do it so coolly you'll marvel at the stain.
Before we can get to marveling at any stains, though, 50 Cent performs with Adam Levine. Nobody knows why, but in the spirit of Thanksgiving, we're all just grateful it's not another farkakte Christina Aguilera duet from her new album, "Lotus." I have little to say about this performance except that it's catchy, I like 50's sweatshirt with leather sleeves, and it looks like Adam is really pushing. I like to see him sweat.
Carson starts out the actual show by asking '50s-Dad Adam if he's surprised Bryan Keith was eliminated last week. Adam says Happy Thanksgiving, and no, he is not surprised. For Thanksgiving, Adam participated in a can drive. But it wasn't what you're thinking. He and his rich friends got together and drove giant sized cans, outfitted with Segway gyroscopic motors, around on some acreage. Then, after everybody went home, Adam wept silently into a regular sized can of tuna. Forever alone.
Cee Lo is thankful for America, who has kept his team around, and afforded Cee Lo the ability to wear so much lamé. God Bless America. Christina looks wonderful because she's not performing or making "da world move" tonight. She is, obviously, rooting for Dez now. Carson asks Blake about Terry McDermott's song choice, as he has chosen to cash in on the Entertainer of the Year charm and sing a Blake Shelton song.
Amanda Brown sings first, so she'd better be good. She has chosen Adele's "Someone Like You," which is a bold choice. Adam wants to make it even bolder by "kicking the song's ass a little." Any way of changing this song is welcome at this point. I have shed too many tears already.