The Voice
Season 4: The Blind Auditions, Part 2

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: B | 1 USERS: B
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Bienvenidos a la Hora de Shakira

Is it hot in here or is it just Josiah Hawley? Josiah is a former model, obviously, a God-fearing man, not so obviously, and into Asian chicks, maybe. He met his wife in church, at 18, and then married her at 20. He's hot, but incredibly lame. I hope he sucks, because we like to see beautiful people fail, especially while we're eating ice cream angrily on the couch. I only put a spoon full of cookie dough in my mouth to keep from yelling, guys.

Josiah is singing "Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5, and he notes that his song choice "could be a risk." Josiah doesn't know what a risk is. The only suffering we risk here is listening to Adam go on about "great taste in music," and "great song choice." Sadly for my inner Grimace, Josiah doesn't suck and Blake and Usher turn their chairs for him. After Josiah shows off some more breathy vocal flair, Adam turns his chair, too.

Adam starts out by negging Josiah, to put him in his place, "whenever someone appreciates what we do then comes out and does it for us is bold. There were moments that were not working for me but then I heard a quality in your voice that did remind me of mine." Blake negates what Adam said the best way he knows how, by calling Josiah "bad ass." Blake musses up his hair for attention, and steals focus from Usher's sincere offer as a coach.

Josiah chooses Usher, and it is the best/sexiest choice. Usher will teach him how to make the ladies so dizzy with lust that they won't even care what you sound like, or that you're married. Josiah already knows how to do that with a chambray shirt.

I don't know why more people aren't picking Usher. Everyone tries to play it all cool like, "yeah, we're all in the Industry," but who wouldn't be excited about hanging out with Usher all the time? And maybe getting to meet Justin Bieber? And then maybe getting to meet Ellen? These dummies need to get their priorities straight and pick Usher.

I already love this next duo: John Peter Lewis and Ryan Hayes, who combine to make "Midas Whale," which is a nerd joke on "might as well." They are two nerds, who sing folk music. One of them is a geologist who plays the accordion. Their friends are fun, too, and as a group they successfully bucked Carson Daly.

Midas Whale sings "Fulsom Prison Blues" in a way that immediately gets Adam to perk up. The first chair to turn around is Usher's, because Usher Midas Whale turn around for a good duo. Hyuck Hyuck. Blake turns around next, followed by Adam. Shakira pushes her button because at this point, she Midas ... you know.

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The Voice

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