The Voice
Season 4: The Blind Auditions Premiere

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: A- | 1 USERS: B
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Confessions, Part 1

"Yo!" Usher keeps saying, "yo." Adam and Blake are more annoying about their over-reacting. I'm glad he's on Shakira's team. I like Shakira.

Next, another singer who has overcome tragedy. James Irwin works in construction, and has been selected to have a Starbucks cup in frame for his interview with Carson. James's wife had identical twins, who only lived for ten minutes. And I'm crying again. Like, holy shit that is terrible. They had a new baby, though, and now James is pursuing his dream.

James sings "The Man Who Can't Be Moved," and sounds decent. His pitch isn't all there, but someone has to pick him because of his tragedy! Devastatingly, no one hits their button for James Irwin. I feel like we just profited emotionally from his tragic story with no payoff for James.

Ugh, speaking of no payoff, here's Carson Daly driving a stupid Kia Sorento to present bullshit tickets to audition. He goes to visit the stunning Judith Hill, who comes from a musical family, plays the piano, and was singing with Michael Jackson on the "This Is It" tour. I recognize her from obsessively watching the video of "I Just Can't Stop Loving You" from This is It. She is so effing good. Toward the end of the video, she and Michael just go crazy and it is a real Moment. Judith sang "Heal the World" at Michael Jackson's memorial service and people really wanted her after that, but she thought it would be in poor taste to profit from that. I love her.

This is it. She sings "What a Girl Wants" and in the first five seconds, Usher and Adam turn around. Usher has this look on his face like, "of course. This is just crazy." She can't lose; she is just too good. I hope she picks Usher, even though she has her choice of all four judges. Usher is so smooth that Blake gives him a standing ovation. They all say they know Judith will win. No need to watch the rest of the show, guys, we should just pack it in now.

Before Usher can threaten to lift his other leg, as Shakira fears, and become too cool for the laws of physics, Judith Hill chooses Adam. Maybe because Adam is harder on his team? Maybe she had some inside industry advice. Whatever, nothing can top that audition.

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The Voice

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