Alright, now that we've made it through opening week, let's get to the mediocre auditions that Carson will keep trying to tell us are "the most exciting yet." Let's find out who the coaches will pit against auditioners of the first and last weeks. But before we see anyone sing in the talent show, it's time for another inane "behind the scenes" skit starring the camp counselors. Usher has been working on his Spanish, he tells Shakira. Adam makes a joke of her native language. And scene.
The first audition is a duo: The Swon Brothers. Colton is the Hot Swon, Zach is probably the fun one. The Swons are from a Southern Baptist family, so their tale of tribulation is relatively fluffy. They went door to door in Nashville, trying to get a record label when they were kids. Because kid country duos are so hot right now.
The Swon Brothers are all grown up and singing "American Girl." From the wings, the Swon Parents urge Blake to "come own, turn that chair." Shakira pushes her button, and Blake pushes his in agreement. Usher pushed his button somewhere in there, too.
The Swon Brothers tell Blake they are from Oklahoma, and go into their brother act schtick. Blake loves it. Usher promises Disney World, Shakira promises a fresh perspective and a fun time. It does not matter. The brothers choose Blake, who is quickly building a country army.
The next contestant is the soft-spoken Taylor Beckham, who used to be a gymnast, or might still be one but probably stopped doing it seriously so that she could have a normal adult body. Taylor gave up her gymnastics/Olympic dream at age 12. Taylor is very marketable, but the coaches won't be able to see that.
"Usher's got his leg up, we're ready," Blake says, eager to jump on everything he could potentially make a joke. Shakira gives this a pity laugh, and Usher smiles, possibly seething with hatred on the inside.
Usher turns around for Taylor before she even gets to the chorus. Shakira follows suit, but Usher already has her locked in. They are vibing. Usher tells her it's a lot of pressure, but he believed her passion and dedication. He asks her if she loves R&B, she confirms she does, and Usher is grateful.
Shakira tells Taylor that she, too, used to be a gymnast, and then lets Adam's mind fantasize for a little longer before getting back to Taylor and her voice. Adam notes that Usher's body language indicates that he cares a little more about Taylor than he has for most other contestants. His leg is down, after all. Shakira tries to stand in front of Usher, like her writers told her to (or whoever is coaching Adam and Blake to make it all about them). But Taylor picks Usher. Usher can develop some teenage talent, that's proven.