I really hope they got the air conditioning fixed in the Voice studio because I can't even do another results show like that weird performance show. Carson seems convinced the world revolves around LA, and I draw the line at the weather. Carson is wearing a crisp white shirt just in case, and the new coaches are wearing fewer layers than before. Carson introduces the performance recap package with another reminder that it was very hot. We know.

Carson tells us this show set records with the votes, and no voting errors or glitches this time, and all twelve artists charted on iTunes. He reminds us that it's nice and cool in the studio, and I wish he would stop making small talk. There's enough big talk that needs to happen.

Kicking things off, Robin Thicke feat. Pharrell Williams and T.I. (and Vedo and Kris Thomas) sing "Blurred Lines." I don't like this song or its take on ... muzak? Rockabilly? I don't know... it's not cute. I also don't like how people are just milling about on stage and calling it a performance. Maybe the choreographer was busy this week. And Vedo and Kris Thomas are just singing backup? It's good and dumb, just what we've come to expect from a Voice results show.

Carson asks Adam, whose microphone is muffled, if he still feels that his team has work to do after hearing Danielle. Adam says it's an even playing field and his team did what they needed to do. Shakira says she's proud of her team for taking big risks. It was not a great performance night for Team Shakira, but she seems oblivious to that. Usher is confronted about saying "the rewards are in the risks you take," and Usher says his team has all taken risks and grown. It's Blake and Miranda's anniversary, and he is not thrilled to be recording a results show. But he's glad to see his team selling well on iTunes. I'm proud of Blake for at least being an interesting alcoholic.

In the best/worst introduction ever, Carson says, "The Voice isn't all about grueling competition and nerve-wracking rehearsals. Sometimes it's just about letting your guard down, taking a load off, and spilling some juicy secrets in our Voice Confessional! Check it out." I will happily declare some winners of this nonsense.

Kris is terrified of clowns (unoriginal, especially in opposition to what I thought he said, that he's terrified of clouds). Vedo used to sell body oils in the mall. Sarah Simmons used to work in a tanning salon. Sasha used to have a New York accent. Judith had to sing about farts for a children's workshop. The slighter Swon is a germaphobe. The other Swon can make his face look like Ghostface Killer from Scream. Danielle likes taking "selfies." Josiah tried to reference The Mighty Ducks. Garrett used to work at the Renaissance Fair.

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