The Voice
Season 5 – The Live Shows Premiere

Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | 12 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Moving, Rapping, and … Singing?

The final round of rounds begins this week with the first of a three-night event. Lord help us, that is a lot of Adele and Coldplay covers and a lot of leather. The beginning of this episode reflects back on how far we've come, reminding us that watching this show is a marathon, not a sprint. It is a marathon with many setbacks, and part of it is done in a potato sack. Let the live shows begin, with Team Adam and Team Blake.

Oh god, is that stupid Skybox back in play? There's too much business at the top of the show. Carson is yelling over the fans, introducing the coaches and the teams and the teams in the audience and it just sounds like a garbled mess of "Team Blake and … Cee Lo … and Christina … Team Christina … Blake!"

Before anything we can vote on happens, Flo Rida performs with Christina Aguilera. New Christina, mind you. She still made sure she could be seated for most of her performance, but she's sitting sexy and looks great. Her eyes are tracking the action on stage, which is a marked improvement from her last performance on this show. The song doesn't really show Christina off very well, she just has to half-sing lines from "Feeling Good," but look at her droppin' it and not even getting winded. Feeling good, indeed. It's like that Super Bowl National Anthem never happened.

Oh, Christina has a song on the Hunger Games: Catching Fire soundtrack. It sounds completely inappropriate but whatever, I'll tear up at it because I'm human and have feelings about Katniss Everdeen.

Carson starts out the live performances by reminding us that we can also buy votes for our favorites by downloading the songs legally on iTunes. This show is so concerned with staying relevant and being plugged into mainstream social media that it is almost off-putting. TV isn't enough for you? You gotta clog up my smartphone too?

The first performance of the night comes from Team Blake's Shelbie Z. She is one of my favorites and I already have so many ideas for songs I want her to sing. During the break between the weird, pre-recorded shows and the live shows, Christina took so long changing outfits that Shelbie had time to get married. She tells us her wedding was awesome. But it is not as awesome as her singing "Fancy" by Reba McEntire to start things off. Oh my god, y'all, that was one of the songs I wanted her to sing.

I always want people to sing "Fancy." It is a great song, and in my estimation the number one song out there about child prostitution. Shelbie wants to "redneck it up a bit" and make it rock-country. Do what you will, Shelbie, but to thine own self be true. I don't think Blake knows this song is about child prostitution. He tells Shelbie it's sung by "a very confident person who feels like she whipped ass in life." And of course, for the performance they put Shelbie in that red dancing dress with a slit on the side clean up to her hips.

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