The Voice
The Battles Continue, Part 1

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Carla Sparks: C | Grade It Now!
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The Battle of Long Runs

"I'll be dayumned if the both of you didn't do awesome," Blake drawls. He doesn't know who won, because I think, like all of us, he got confused and overwhelmed. He refers back to rehearsals, during which Julio was having the harder time. As a result, Blake chooses Julio because he worked the hardest? I don't know if that's really the reason. He was scared of Terisa's power, maybe. Either way, Cee Lo steals Terisa for his team, without much fanfare.

The next battle comes from Team Christina; it's second-timer Dez Duron versus redhead Paulina. I think Paulina got glazed over in the auditions. They were paired together because they're very attractive. But who looks better in a scoop neck tee? It's a tie. Christina gave them "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars to sing.

On this day in the white, '90s porn set, Christina is not messing around. Dez is obviously nervous and trying too hard, and Paulina is adding too many ad libs. Christina tells her she doesn't need to "create ad-lib situations that don't need to be there." This is the most useful I have ever seen a coach be on The Voice. Billy Joel Armstrong agrees that it's too much. Don't worry, Paulina, you're both annoying.

In the final rehearsal, they were still both adding too much. Christina criticized Paulina for pronouncing things in her own style, which I thought was incisive feedback. I was too distracted by Christina's look, with that Lady Gaga "Judas" video-inspired headband to really think about it, though.

This battle is rocking a nice Sandy and Danny vibe, if Sandy fancied herself the most unique person in all the land, and Danny incorporated more nervous movement. In my opinion, Paulina over-changed the melody. And I can think of several artists she sounds like. So there. But who was the "winner" of this battle? Paulina definitely drew more attention and put her hands on her hips more, so there's that. I guess I'd have to give it to Dez for being shockingly less annoying.

Cee Lo likes Paulina's quirkiness, but would give it to Dez. Adam thought they were both inconsistent but would give it to Dez for being a bit more seasoned (or for not trying so god damn hard). Blake would give it to Paulina, for having seen the most episodes of New Girl. Just kidding, Blake would also choose Dez. Dez is obviously the winner, but Christina draws it out for a minute. No one steals Paulina, and she floats off stage and back up a unicorn's toot hole.

Team Adam battles next, with Benji versus Sam James. I remember not caring for Benji, because he likes everything fast, but he does remind me of Kevin Gnapoor from Mean Girls, with less rapping and more screaming. I really like Sam James. I don't remember him, but I like him because he seems very chill, and cute, and reminds me of my friend Dan.

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The Voice

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