The Voice

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Then they are ready to rumble. Casey walks on stage in a skin-tight mini tank dress and causes her poor father, who is watching from backstage, to grasp his heart and say, "That's my little girl?!" Then he dies, the end. Now THAT is a backstory. Casey sings the first verse of "Leather and Lace," and when Tim takes his turn on the microphone, you realize that their ranges just aren't that different. In short, dude sounds like a lady. And Casey is way better than I remember. The song ends, and Blake talks first, he claims her voice is "addicting" and if he was Adam, he would pick her. That's when Miranda Lambert storms the stage and kills the little girl. She knows Blake isn't above leaving her for a younger version. Cee Lo chimes in, too, but what he says is the equivalent of chewing bubblegum, so I'm not going to bother to transcribe it. Then Adam chooses Casey Weston, because "there's just something about Casey Weston." Her parents are super proud and her dad embarrassingly yells, "YEAH, BABY!" but Casey is too excited to point out how humiliating her father is.

Next up is Team Cee Lo. When he goes to meet his team for the first time, Cee Lo opts for an all-red ensemble of oversized t-shirt (he accidentally bought a medium), wide-legged capris (they make you look shorter, dude!), red Crocs and red glasses. Also, his arms are so tiny they are practically flippers, and there is no way he can see his feet. But still we love him. He chooses Niki and Vicci to compete against each other. Probably because they rhyme, and also because they make him look tall. He wants them to sing "Perfect" as performed by Pink. Cee Lo introduces the girls to Multi-Platinum Recording Artist Monica. I think that is her whole name? Like on her birth certificate? She thinks they are both great singers, and it is going to be a hard choice. But, really, what else would she say? "Oh, it's no competition, that girl sings like a drunk frat boy at a karaoke bar and has the charisma of an old tennis shoe?" Um, no. Although it would be awesome if she did!

Then they head to the dress rehearsal in the ring and then, once again, they quickly head into the competition. The pacing on this show is insane today! To the point that you almost look forward to the commercials so you can breathe deeply and think about your life choices and whether you really can open a bottle of champagne with an iron. Carson gives the girls one-line intros. Apparently Niki Dawson's faith inspires her to succeed, while Vicci is merely "from the Pacific Northwest," meaning she's a lesbian (I think?) or maybe he is trying to explain why she is wearing bronze leather pants or that she puts birds on things and calls it art. The women do an incredible cover of Pink's song, As the song ends, the crowd erupts. Adam Levine claims that this was the best duet of the evening, which is true. Blake thinks Cee Lo made a big mistake pairing these two against each other, which is true. Christina adds nothing to the conversation. Then Cee Lo picks Vicci, because her voice is simply stunning and he has no damn choice. And then the show is over. Good night! Clear out! Move it along!

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The Voice

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