The Voice
The Blind Auditions, Part 3

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Angel Cohn: A- | Grade It Now!
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Maybe I'm Amazed?

Bowtie-wearing Pip (yes, full name) unsurprisingly does a lot of musical theater and has a love of suspenders and untied shoes. Can he trip and fall going out on stage? I already hate so many things about him. And he's singing "House of the Rising Sun," which is a song that I love and he sounds actually pretty good. Maybe we could have played along with that blind audition here, and I wouldn't have been predisposed to despise him. Maybe I should start watching this entire show with my eyes closed. Why the hell does he have to call himself Pip? All four judges turn around for him and his family flips the fuck out in the backroom.

Blake tries to sell him on the fact that his team is mostly women, he also thinks Pip's name is cool. What crack are you smoking, Blake? Adam compliments the stupid bowtie, and he was expecting someone totally different when he turned around. Yes, someone who isn't an obnoxious hipster. The judges compete for attention, except for Cee Lo, who sits quietly. Maybe he really is sleeping. Pip picks Adam, with the reasoning that Adam was the first one to turn around.

Next up is 22-year-old Erin Willett, and she's with her parents who helped inspire her. How did I not notice the giant Starbucks logo in the holding room? At least the losers are well caffeinated. Oh, her dad has serious pancreatic cancer, and she's performing and staying positive for him. That's nice, actually. Let's hope she doesn't suck hard.

She comes out and belts "I Want You Back." The audience is on their feet, maybe they are well-caffeinated too. That would explain a lot. Christina toys with her button, but Blake is the only one to actually push it. Push it real good. And now I've got Salt-n-Pepa stuck in my head. She's psyched to be on Team Blake, and her dad is crying backstage.

Carson Daly is trolling around in a Kia to find some more contestants. It's pathetically adorable how he feels involved in this process. He's going to see a girl named Katrina Parker, who works as an admin in an office, and due to a lack of security he is able to get in there. She gets a resounding round of applause from her co-workers, and they don't seem at all concerned about this strange man in their sea of cubicles.

And now we're doing that jumping around shit again. Just be linear, show. There's no need for this layer of confusion. So David Grace is a beefy Texan football player turned coach. He looks nothing like Tim Riggins or Coach Taylor, so I'm already let down. He's doing "Sweet Home Alabama" while playing his own guitar. He has a big opening note and Xtina seems impressed, but doesn't turn her chair. The judges all try and goad each other into pressing their buttons, except the comatose Cee Lo, but David's clear eyes and full heart fails to win over anyone, and it turns out he can lose.

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The Voice

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