The Voice
The Blind Auditions Premiere

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: B | 19 USERS: B
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Back to Basics

The original coaches are back and we're already tired! With The Voice now in its fifth season, Carson took us on a walk down memory lane like blah blah blah this show is so epic and it's never been done before. Whatever, Cee Lo is back and look at Christina Aguilera's hair and body. She's like, "hey y'all I got a tapeworm," and we're all, "looks good!"

The Blind Auditions, in spite of the whole "blindness" aspect, have a lot of heat to them. Does Cee Lo have a head tattoo or is that hair or Sharpie? Is that the gimmick this season, when last time it was the bird? I'm so happy that Cee Lo is back and Christina looks happier. She really has more energy and looks less bored.

To kick things off, in a performance that existed outside of time and without context, the four original coaches sing "I Love Rock ‘n Roll" with Christina grinding all over the place like Britney Spears at the karaoke contest in Crossroads. I wonder who will be the most depressed coach this season, if Blake's alcoholism is getting more serious, and just how comfortable it is for Cee Lo to wear all that leather.

The first artist to audition was Kat Robichaud, a young rocker who was raised on musicals but loves glam rock. Look at her weird, goofy husband. She gave up a life on the road, touring etc. to spend more time with her husband and to mourn the loss of her father, of course. But I guess she's sick of seeing her husband's goony face now because she wants to get back into the industry, tours and all. Kat's auditioning in her father's memory because supposedly, he loved the show and he wasn't there to deny that statement.

Kat has a lot of stage presence, which the coaches can't observe until Cee Lo, Christina, and Blake turn their chairs for her. Her voice is strong, fun and a little gravely. I think she wanted Adam, but he held out, just waiting for that special whatever. Adam, who never turned his chair, was the first to comment and told her that her name is Raspy McRasperson and that she has sweet pants. Things are off to a stupid start.

Cee Lo loved the fire, Christina loves that she can tell people are having a great time on stage even when she can't see them. Seriously, the vitality behind Christina's eyes is something completely different this season. Blake starts his weak case, but Adam interrupts saying her coach is definitely not Blake. He was right. Kat chose Cee Lo. It was the right choice. "Applause" by Lady Gaga starts playing and some coach tweets pop up on the screen, taking up over a fourth of it. I miss Usher.

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The Voice

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