The Voice
The Final Results Show

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The Grand Finale

Welcome back to "The Voice" or should I say, #TheVoice. I'm just trying to integrate the social media the same way the show does, so everybody act natural. I wasn't here last night and our intrepid leader, @AngelCohn, faced her fears of Maroon 5 and catching whatever feather-related illness Cee Lo has and nobly covered the show, and even name dropped Colbie Caillat, which is something I have not even dared to attempt. I watched the show this morning and thought I would jot down a few stray thoughts on last night's show:
- If they really wanted to make #TeamBald happen they should have put Frenchie and Beverly on Cee Lo's team. I mean, duh.
- Just because Cee Lo, Christina Aguilera, Adam Levine, and Blake Shelton are famous singers, does not mean that they sing well together.
- That said, I love that the mixing board was very pro-Team Blake.
- Gilt Groupe whoring is The Best. The way they got Vicci to drool over a beadazzled blazer was even better than the time that Gossip Girl's Lily Van Der Woodsen uncharacteristically bought $20,000 of off-season merchandise when she was under house arrest.
- Vicci Martinez has excellent teeth, even the molars. However Javier wins the white teeth contest. Does he gargle bleach or is he a witch?
- It's nice that the judges and the teams all color-coordinated
- If there is a god, why did he make Carson Daly famous?
- Cee Lo dresses like an Indian pimp
- Alison Haislip made a Highlander reference, ensuring her photo will be in some geeks wank book.
- Adam Levine's vocal chords are linked to his eyebrows. It's true!
- Brad Paisley gives me hives, for real.

Now on to tonight's show, which is the finale! It's live! It's pre-recorded! It's The Voice! Carson gets right down to business, so if you didn't know that the finale of The Voice was on a) Wednesday and b) At 8 o'clock, you are doomed DOOMED I say. However, since this show is so social-media savvy, you can probably just catch up on Twitter, or, you know, here. I mean, read this! Read it! Do it! Do it!

Carson did not bother to shave for the evening, apparently because he spent every waking moment at the salon getting his spray tan on. He's a shade left of Oompa Loompa as he introduces the evening's stars: Javier Colon, Vicci Martinez, Beverly McClellan, and Dia Frampton. Dia is once again looking lovely in a floor-length dress. Beverly is wearing a full length morning coat and holding a cane giving her a look like she's an extra from a steampunk episode of Doctor Who, which may or may not have existed but would be super cool. I'm hoping they gave her the cane to keep Christina at least 36-inchs from her at all times. Javier and Vicci look like themselves (hat head and blazer and sparkle butch respectively). Carson let's the audience cheer at the finalists, while he reminds the dimwitted slow lorises among us or those who have stumbled into this forum her accidentally looking for whatever it is that NBC usually airs on Wednesdays at 8, that these four contestants have been on this show for weeks now, competing, vying for attention, racking up votes via iTunes download, trending, etc. Now America has chosen their winner ...but more on that later.

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The Voice

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