Adam says he loves all of them, no one is better than the other, but he is forced to choose and so he must choose. He will obviously choose Melanie. He holds the room in silence for as long as possible, before choosing Melanie. Joselyn and Loren handled it really well, I think. Just know, Melanie, that AMERICA does not like you.
"You don't have to win to be a winner," Joselyn says, winning Miss Congeniality in the non-existent Voice pageant. Loren doesn't get to say anything.
Before anything else of consequence happens, let's check in with Christina Milian, who is just checking her Twitter page and raving about how awesome her phone is. Does Christina Milian know she's on TV and not bored at a friend's party?
Then, Maroon 5 sings their new single, "Daylight." Are they doing a joke? Because their name is Maroon 5, but they're all wearing solid matchy-matchy blue like BLUE 5, AM I RIGHT? Ha ha, awesome joke. But seriously, I can not get past the Garanimals. Also, Adam doesn't sound great tonight. They did use all the dry ice, though. Cee Lo was probably saving that for a Saturday night at home.
Jermaine Paul is here with his new single, "I Believe in This Life." That's a very affirming title for a song. Shouldn't they split the performances up a bit more between results? Jermaine has backup dancers this time, but it doesn't change that his song is basically like, "I'm looking at stuff and it's cool and I guess I'm just living and really having a good time existing." Jermaine, I think we can do better.
Team Blake is up for review next. The singers moving forward should, in my opinion, be Terry McDermott, Michaela Paige, and Liz Davis I guess. Blake's team is a bit more evenly matched than Team Adam, though, so these results will be more interesting. The two artists America likes the best are Terry McDermott and Cassadee Pope. "Hey Monday" must really have a following.
This is a tough decision for Blake and Julio just looks heartbroken. Blake says he has to go with his heart and his emotion and chooses Michaela. I approve of that choice, but also sort of feel bad for Liz and Julio, who just got eliminated in a puff of smoke. These two didn't even get any last words.
Up next, a performance from Team Cee Lo and Team Christina "that you will not want to miss." Yeah, Carson, everybody's going to be tweeting about this one. Remember the day when results shows were half an hour long? Not on this show ever, but I swear to god that American Idol used to just read the results and get everyone on their way in 30 minutes, with commercials. These were back in the days of Brian Dunkleman, but there was such a time. (Brian Dunkleman just got a ping on his Google Alerts). Also, phones didn't have cameras on them, Christina Milian.