The Voice
Top 10 Performances

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: B+ | Grade It Now!
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So Emotional

As The Voice opens this week, the Top 10 contestants are standing awkwardly on stage, flanking an even more awkward Carson Daly. Carson introduces Adam the Gap Lumberjack (LumberGap?), and Cee Lo, who is wearing Satan's Pajamas. Is it satin? No, it's Satan. Christina and Blake are getting ready for their performance and I pray to god they aren't performing together.

I struggle to understand The Voice's insistence on cramming each show full of performances, particularly the show that should focus solely on contestant performances. I know they want to stand out and be different somehow, but this is not the way to go about it. I still don't get why just Dez Duron and Bryan Keith were performing with Jason Aldean that one time. But what do I know? I'm not a big Hollywood TV producer, I'm just a regular old butthead.

Speaking of buttheads, Carson Daly really looks like one. That stupid haircut and his beady eyes. Oh well, I have to move on from it, because the coaches are bringing in new powerhouses tonight. Christina is teaming up with Ron Fair, who was the first producer to see the sparkle in young Xtina's eye. Blake Shelton brought in Scott Hendricks, and Cee Lo is working with the fantastic, flawless Jennifer Hudson. Jennifer Hudson is the best human.

Also, we can already tell that Christina looks lumpy and awful in rehearsals tonight. But first, she performs live with Blake Shelton (why, Jesus?). This time, Christina's weave is straight, tight, with just a hint of pink on the fringe of the bangs. I love it. I do question the amount of makeup on her face and ... hands? Is she wearing makeup on her hands? Is her skin melting?

Blake is as lacking in commitment as ever, singing in this terrible lump of duet. Is my TV set to "lumpy"? This song isn't even enough to make the list of songs people will want to duet on at karaoke. Not this version, anyway. Christina is really struggling in the upper register, and every time she reached for that high "hee-yeahh," my hatred for the song increased exponentially.

The first performance that matters in this episode is from Team Christina's Sylvia Yacoub. Christina brought Ron Fair into rehearsals to distract from her lumpy cat lady sweatshirt and stupid animal beret. Christina sees so much of herself in Sylvia because she has so much passion. Ron Fair says Sylvia has a god-given instrument, as he listens to her sing "Girl on Fire" by Alicia Keys.

Sylvia is at the piano again, as she should be for this song. We are really warming to Sylvia, I think. She is the least lumpy person on stage so far. She belts out the chorus and makes it more interesting by sliding up into her super strong higher register. Christina looks on jealously.

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The Voice

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