Walking Dead
Walking Dead

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A | 619 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Less Talk, More Chop
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Okay, listen up, The Walking Dead. I watch you so I can learn how to survive a zombie apocalypse, not whether to. Do a better job of remembering that this season than you did the first two, and you and I will get along just fine.

We begin with a slow zoom out from an eye like the beginning of Lost, but this is the spoiled-milk, postulant eye of a walker, standing with one of his fellows in a house. Not sure this film-school crap is a promising start -- but then Rick and T-Dogg bust in and quickly take both of them down with a silenced handgun and fireplace poker, respectively. So far, so good, but then Carl follows them in, his hair shaggy under Rick's hat that he's still insisting on wearing. He's got a weapon of his own, also with a silencer the size of his shin. As they move through the house, Rick makes a big suspenseful production of opening a hidden door deep inside a closet, only to find Daryl on the other side. Carl shoots down a zombie granny without wasting any time teasing it or throwing rocks at it or engaging in any other actions at all that will result in it killing one of his friends later.

Glenn and Maggie come in the back while the house is still being secured, and the last kill is Daryl's, as his crossbow claims an owl nesting in one of the bedrooms. Now the rest of the party can come in with their meager supplies -- Carol, Beth, a visibly pregnant Lori, and Hershel, who is apparently the only person in the group to have realized that in the zombie apocalypse, shaving is for chumps. Indeed, why risk needless scratches in this environment? Carl scavenges in the kitchen and finds a couple of cans of pet food, which he brings into the living room to share out with everyone while Daryl plucks his owl. Rick takes the open can and throws it against the wall, which makes this just about the most awkward housewarming ever. They wouldn't have had time to enjoy it anyway, as a pack of walkers is already coming up the front yard. The group gets right back up and back in their vehicles outside, with nothing to show for their stop but an axe that Maggie nabbed from the woodpile. And no, nobody spoke a word of dialogue in that whole opening. Which is a little contrived and derivative, yes, but under the circumstances, it's the best possible sign.

Hey, new opening credits sequence! I approve.

Walking Dead

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