West Wing
College Kids

Episode Report Card
Deborah: C | 1 USERS: A
The One-Eyed Man Is King

Jed calls for Charlie and tells him he's heading back to the residence. Charlie asks whether he has a moment for Debbie. Jed: "Oh, God. Yeah." She comes in and stands before his desk. Jed: "Arsenic?" Debbie: "You gotta give me points for...nothing. There's nothing you can give me points for. I don't get any points." Jed, packing his briefcase: "No." She says, "I sincerely apologize. It was a higher environmental cancer risk than Chernobyl. We spend $20 million a year on strategic milk reserves, we can't toss..." Jed asks, "Why couldn't you have stopped with 'I sincerely apologize'?" She sees now that she should have. He contends, "Your argument is totally farkakteh, by the way. The World bank has a $17 billion budget contributed by a hundred...ah, it doesn't matter. Don't worry about it." Debbie says, "'Don't worry about it,' huh? I don't know what that means." Jed heads for the door as he says she can keep her job. She replies, "Great. Why?" Jed stops at the door and says unenthusiastically, "Why? Because you knock me out, that's why." She asks how she did that. Maybe he's a sucker for an arsenic-laced threat. He sets his briefcase down at the door, comes back to his desk, and picks up her letter, reading the sentence about the arsenic. He then says, "'President Bartlet.' You referred to me and the office with respect. You're a class act." He walks out as she thanks him. As he picks up his briefcase, he mutters, "Whackjob," loudly enough for her to hear. After the SS agent closes the door, we see her throw up her hands in celebration. Oh, for crying out loud. As if this would ever take place even in a pre-September 11th White House, never mind the post-September 11th one. Yeah, I know September 11th never officially "happened" on this show, but every word since has been written as if it did. I'm pretty sure "whackjobs" don't get hired to assist the President. They get into the House and Senate, sure. But they don't get to be secretaries. Rating on the Credulity Strain-o-Meter: 9.9 out of 10.

Aimee Mann sings James Taylor's "Shed a Little Light" at the concert: "Let us turn our thoughts today/ To Martin Luther King/ And recognize that there are ties between us/ All men and women/ Living on the Earth/ Ties of hope and love/ Sister and brotherhood..." ["In light of Bartlet's NEA speech, I should think her 'Enough' would be a better choice." -- Wing Chun] Donna's talking to Josh at a table. It's not as dark as in the other concert scenes. She says, "It's not the fault of women's sports; it's the fault of football." Josh thinks not: "Football pays for all the other sports." Donna, who seems a tad drunk: "There are fifty-three players on an NFL team." There are? Holy...what the hell do they all do? Wait, I just remembered that I don't care. But had you asked me to guess I would have said...I don't know, half that. Donna continues: "The University of Colorado has 130, eighty-five of whom are on full scholarship." Criminy. "I'm all for backups and substitutes, but can't the guy who's fourth from the depth chart at right outside linebacker also be fourth from the depth chart at left outside linebacker?" I got the gist of that sentence, but even if you held a gun to my head I couldn't tell you what "fourth from the depth chart at right outside linebacker" and "fourth from the depth chart at left outside linebacker" mean. Donna: "If a college football cut back to seventy scholarships, they'd still be three deep at every position and have a fourth string punter and a place kicker. Fifteen scholarships -- that's a wrestling team." She takes a drink of beer.

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West Wing




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