West Wing
Constituency Of One

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The 101st Senator

Leo comes into his office to find Josh waiting for him, and asks about Carrick. Josh tells Leo what Carrick wants. Leo: "The one that doesn't work?" Josh sneers, "Yeah, the 97th Airborne's a stickler for that kind of thing, too." Brad Whitford has gotten so thin. His three little angels must be running him ragged. I'm sure they're worth it, though. That's what all the haggard-faced parents I know keep telling me over the squalling. ["Damn breeders and their propaganda." -- Wing Chun] Leo says he's gotten a breakdown on the military promotions, and two dozen of them are headed for rotations in the Gulf. If they're not promoted, they can't go. Josh says that Carrick wants a letter today. Leo says he's going to send Fitz to cut a deal: "Call it his farewell tour." Funkmaster Funky Fitz's Final Flashy Farewell Flang. Or, you know, something a tad more dignified. Josh: "I got a better idea. No Fitzwallace. No letter. No deal. Five years, he's voted with the Republicans. Just last week, he switched his vote and jammed us on the stimulus package. That's why we're in this mess. We want to keep rolling over for him?" Leo says that Carrick's a Democrat from Idaho: "They use Democrats for target practice up there. Sometimes, he's gotta lean to the right." If he leans any more, he'll be able to slide right under his car. Josh complains that they give him everything, and that he screws them every time: "This guy make Machiavelli look like a social worker." Leo says that they need his vote when they re-introduce the stimulus package, and they need it on their whole agenda. They can't afford an ugly fight right now. Josh: "We gotta stop feeding the hand that bites us, Leo. No Fitzwallace, no letter, no deal." Leo sits back and considers this. Josh: "I need your proxy on this." Leo relents, but cautions him: "Go easy." Leo turns back to his work. Josh adds, as he's leaving, "That, uh...'one-man majority' stuff...you know they didn't get that from me?" Leo sneers, "I don't care about the Washington Post Style section. Take care of Carrick."

Josh walks into the Roosevelt Room, where Donna's waiting for him to sign some stuff. He tells her to call Carrick's Chief of Staff and tell him that the launcher's off the table: "Tell him...tell him there's no such thing as a free launch." Heh. Donna says that's cute. Josh says he just made it up. As he's about to walk away, she grabs his hand to make him sign something he missed. Donna: "Amy can see you from 1:10 to 1:15." Josh: "How about telling me I can see her? I've got five minutes for her and she can wait in my office all day if necessary?" No wonder you have to fight the women off with sticks. Donna: "Amy can see you from 1:10 to 1:15." Josh sighs: "Fine." They start walking as Donna asks, "Is this a private birthday celebration? Need some crisp one-dollar bills and a smock?" Uh. Bitter, much? Josh: "It's a meeting. Would you...? I don't do birthday celebrations." Donna: "Childhood trauma, I presume?" Kind of a flip remark given that she knows he has plenty of childhood trauma. ["Just because she knows it doesn't mean John Wells does." -- Wing Chun] Josh tells some yarn about his seventh birthday and a clown his parents hired who did all his tricks for his sister: "She even got to keep one of his floppy shoes." Whatever. Donna advises Josh not to tell that to anyone else. Josh asks Donna to tell Amy's office he's on his way.

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West Wing

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