We get a shot of C.J.'s and Amy's butts (mostly Amy's) as they stand in the doorway of a large sitting room in the Residence. The light flips on, and between them we can see a magnificent circular window. Abby's channelling Jed: "Here we go! 'Awasiwi Odinak: far from the things of man." When Jed first took me to his house, which is twenty-five miles from anywhere, he said, 'Awasiwi Odinak: far from the things of man.' What a jackass!" C.J. suggests opening the wine as she and Abby sit down. Amy tries to rummage subtly through a drawer as Abby blathers on about the vintage and provenance of the wine. She suggests it's best sipped while making anagrams out of the phrase "My husband is an enormous jackass." Abby notices Amy and asks what she's looking for. Amy says she's looking for something to take notes with. You gotta hand it to her, she's reasonably honest. Or maybe just very stupid. C.J. struggles with the corkscrew, which is one of those over-engineered deals that probably costs well into three digits. She says it's excellent, though, "slides right in there like power steering...the right tool for the job...corkscrew sucks. Should I call a steward?" Amy meanders over to the sofas. Abby feels calling the steward is unnecessary; she's board-certified in thoracic surgery: "And a good thing, too." To Amy: "Did Josh have a nutty (™ Ainsley) on the campaign hiring?" Amy says he's adjusting. Abby, struggling with the corkscrew: "Well, let him adjust faster. Jackass!" I'm with her.
Just then, Donna arrives -- her ears no doubt burning because her beloved Jackass is being dissed -- and says that Jackass was looking for Amy. Well, he knows where she went, right? He should just go cool his heels. Abby says Amy's right here, and she sure is: she's draped all over the couch like she's at the Moulin Rouge. Speaking of which, actually, now that there are four of them here, I'm sure they could do a wicked cover of last year's completely unnecessary and not-good cover of "Lady Marmalade." Amy will definitely have to do Skank-Queen Christina Aguilera's part. Donna can be Mya, C.J. can be Pink, and Abby can be Li'l Kim. (Margaret or Charlie or somebody will be summoned to cover Missy Elliott's part.) And you thought "The Jackal" was good. Abby wonders where Donna's been all night. Donna says it's tough to explain. Abby, brightly: "Tougher to explain than secretly prescribing Betaseron?" Donna says it turns out she's not an American citizen so she has to speak to the INS. C.J.: "What?" Donna explains she was born in Warroad, Minnesota, but the border's just been clarified and now that's part of Manitoba. Abby: "You're not an American?" Donna: "Missed it by four miles." I don't work for Immigration Canada but I'm not sure that automatically makes her a Canadian citizen, either. Also, as many people have pointed out on the forums, this plotline has holes you could drive a Zamboni through, given that depending on many other factors, such as the citizenship of Donna's parents and so forth, she'd still be a citizen anyway. But because the whole storyline seems conceived as a reason to give a shout-out (for whatever reason) to the Great White North, it doesn't much matter if it makes sense. Amy: "You seem pretty calm about it." The lockjaw/dental anaesthetic-effect of her speaking style seems to be intensifying with the alcohol intake. Donna: "No, I'm very upset. I don't know the words to my national anthem, I've been throwing out Canadian pennies my whole life, I've been making fun of the Queen. We don't do that." Speak for yourself, newbie Canuck. Queenie and her damn corgis are fair game around these parts. Abby assures Donna that it will all work out. Donna thanks her and makes to leave. Abby asks where she's going. Donna says they've let her into the party. Abby invites her to stay and have some wine with them. Donna: "Really?" Aw. It's like one of the not-so-popular girls getting invited to sit at the popular girls' lunch table.