West Wing
Guns Not Butter

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Votes and Goats

Shout-outs to Alexandria and FLuFFy_slayer.

Josh is led into a room by two women, one blonde, one brunette. I'm calling the blonde one Priscilla and the brunette Zenobia. Just because. He comments that it's the first time he's ever been in the "Republican cloakroom." Priscilla asks what he thinks; Josh replies, "Well, you guys use the same decorator we do." Well, the decorator needs a poke, then, because every single piece of seating in the room is identical: there must be about eight club chairs and several sofas, all in the same button-tufted rich brown leather. Bor-ing. I could have done that in my sleep. Priscilla says, with an odd mixture of annoyance, pride, and flirtatiousness, "Damn it, Josh, I decorated the room." Josh asks if Benjamin Harrison was banned from there. Priscilla says he was, by Senate resolution, for excessive lobbying. She announces in a pleased way, "And Warren Harding's mistress was impregnated here." Josh: "Prompting another resolution?" Apparently not. Down to business: Josh wants to know if there's any chance Nearing is soft. Priscilla says no. Josh asks, "What about Herman Morton?" Zenobia says they'd have to rewrite the education bill. Josh: "It's fifty-fifty, Jane. Hoynes has a sleeping bag in there." Jane? Nope, sorry. I'm going with Zenobia. Even though that's a totally annoying choice for me because my Z key is acting up. Come on, Zenobia's funnier than Jane. Anyway, Zenobia asserts the Senator's voting no. Josh asks, "Which Senator?" Zenobia and Priscilla exchange glances, and Zenobia says, "The one we work for." Josh: "What the hell…?" Priscilla explains that a Liberty Foundation poll is about to come out showing that 68 percent of those polled think the U.S. spends too much on foreign aid, and 59 percent want foreign aid cut. Josh: "What the hell do I care? These people are responding to…" Zenobia interjects, "Come on, they're responding to being overtaxed and then having that money sent to Burundi instead of the school their kid goes to." Yeah, Burundi, where they just blow it on junk like low-rise jeans and tooth-whitening strips. Josh: "Now you're for more education funding?" Burn. Zenobia: "That's not the point." Josh: "Of course foreign aid polls badly! The people it's helping aren't the ones who are answering the phones." Zenobia: "Or paying taxes. Or voting." Josh wants to know if the Senator just reached this conclusion as a result of the Liberty Foundation poll. Zenobia says he never liked and Josh knows it, and furthermore: "The poll gives him cover with The New York Times people." Josh clarifies that by "The New York Times people" she means "people who can read." Priscilla stands up and says it's a quorum call. Josh makes for the door, saying he understands. Priscilla: "Come on, Josh." He turns and says, "I think this is crap. I think your boss has known about this poll for a while, and he's embarrassing the President at the eleventh hour because he spent too much time with his arm around the other guy." Zenobia points at Josh and takes a tougher tone: "We begged you to keep the President out of Colorado." Josh: "On the first vote out of the box!" Zenobia says Bartlet had Colorado from the convention and went there five times anyway. Josh reprimands her: "President Bartlet." Zenobia states the obvious for him: "You're one vote down on foreign aid." Josh goes out the door, and the music swells. I feel like we're having too many door openings/closings as the segue to the credits lately. It's probably just me. It nearly always is.

POTUS and his entourage are walking down a set of stairs in some huge building as he complains to Charlie that boyfriends are the curse of every daughter's father: "I don't like 'em. I don't like 'em at all." Charlie knows. Jed wants to know what the hell happened with Charlie and Zoey. Hey, take a number. Some of us have been wondering for about two years. Jed continues: "It was perfect! I just kept you in the office all the time." Charlie explains, "Well, she was unhappy that I was at the office all the time." Hey, if Warren Harding can manage to get his mistress pregnant in the Republican cloakroom, then I think you're just not trying hard enough there. Jed: "That was the point. If I was trying to make her happy, I'd buy her a Cabriolet." Hey, make me happy. Buy me a Cabriolet. We're already a VW household, it'd fit right in. I promise to feed it and walk it and everything. C.J. interrupts: "Sir?" Jed calls her "C-Jean" and says "Stable economies with free-flowing uranium don't make for a stable world community. Did I make that point?" She says he did. He then asks if there's a cow in his schedule today. C.J. says, "It's called Heifer International. Don't worry about it." Jed gripes to Charlie about meeting with a cow. C.J. says it's a photo op, not a sit-down. Jed: "I like your sass." C.J.: "You've got a very nice sass yourself…sir." Jed glances at her and asks, "What are you, touring?" C.J.: "I could." Somebody's very secure in her job. Jed emerges from the building to cheers and applause and begins working a rope line. He shakes hands, greets people, and accepts gifts, smoothly handing them off to Charlie. One woman has a large blue envelope that she tries to hand to Charlie. He tells her she can hand that directly to the President if she likes. She says she's not looking for an autograph. She seems slightly desperate, so Charlie accepts the envelope. C.J.'s cell phone rings; it's Josh, calling to say they're a vote down. She asks what happened; he mentions Colorado. She says they're coming back.

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