West Wing
Guns Not Butter

Episode Report Card
Deborah: B | 1 USERS: A-
Votes and Goats

Charlie's in the Oval Office, standing next to Jed, who's sitting down, reading the Pentagon memo Charlie ordered. Charlie sheepishly tries to explain what happened. The clock ticks loudly, as it always does in the quieter Oval Office scenes, and Charlie admits that he was trying to show off for Zoey. Aw. Jed looks up and studies Charlie's face for a moment but doesn't say anything. Finally he admits that there are a couple thousand military families on food stamps: "I can't stand it. The Pentagon knows it." That's a pretty appalling situation. He continues, "Some families are eligible, some aren't. To change it, they'd have to raise everyone's pay, which they can't do, and this memo's a reminder. It's a 'get off our backs' memo. And you thought you were done with turf wars." Charlie: "Did it cause any damage?" Jed: "You decommissioned two aircraft carriers." He gets up and walks to his desk. Charlie: "Really?" Jed: "No." Charlie thanks him and says he'll be outside. Jed suddenly says, "Boy, Zoey's growing up nicely, isn't she?" Charlie: "Yesssss, she is." Jed glares at him, hesitating before he says, "I'm on your side in this thing, but just barely. Just by a little bit, because he's French and royal." I thought he was from a background of nobility, not royalty. Oh well, I wasn't paying that much attention when he was introduced because a) I didn't recap that episode and b) I figured he was a one-off character. Jed continues: "These are very special, very limited circumstances under which we're allies, you and I." Charlie gets it. Jed asks if he still has the letter. He tells Charlie to put it in his bag tonight.

Leo knocks and enters the Oval Office from his office, followed by, well…the Fabulous Three. Doesn't have quote the same ring, does it? Jed greets them as "Mr. McGarry, Mr. Ziegler, Mr. Lyman, Miss Cregg" and adds, "It's the Temptations! I love you guys!" They all stand in a line in front of his desk, and Leo says, "You only think you've heard everything, but you haven't." Jed: "Hit me." Toby tells him about Hoebuck voting yes for $115,000. Jed thinks it should be "million," but Josh quickly jumps in to emphasize the "thousand" part. Jed: "For an RV? What's he want?" Leo tells him. Jed likes it. He wants a button on his desk that he can press and have forty-nine people pray for him. C.J.: "I got remote prayed-for by three million people." Jed: "How'd it work out?" C.J.: "Good for me. Can't vouch for what it was they were praying was gonna happen." Jed: "Well, that's the problem." Josh, somewhat exasperated but with a half a smile: "Excuse me. The earth is rotating rapidly on its axis." Brad Whitford looks particularly good in this episode. Jed: "Okay, well, good news. Keep us posted on that." Josh says it's nearly 8:00 and they should be talking about Hoebuck. Jed: "Oh wait…you guys didn't come in here to tell me something funny?" Toby, dead serious: "Three of us did." Heh.

Jed points, and Josh and vigorously waggles his finger, saying, "You, you, are the wildcard, my friend, because you will throw out the baby, the bathwater, and the bubbles at curtain time if it means…" Josh: "Excuse me, sir…" Jed: "Feel free to interrupt." Josh: "Do you think, Mr. President, the people who get this money care about an NIH study?" Jed hollers, "I don't care if they care! Icare! And oh, by the way, so do you!" Josh argues that $115,000 is what Commerce spends on Post-Its. They should just steal them from another department, like everyone else does. Jed sighs and looks mad. He says, "Toby." Toby's ready: "Threats to civil liberties only ever come a few dollars at a time." Josh replies that it's a medical study: "The Nuclear Test Ban Treaty doesn't prohibit radiation therapy. Sufi Muslims, Orthodox Jews, Indian shamans, the study says it works with everybody, so it's not promoting Christianity." Just religion. Jed: "Well, in my faith, we've known it's worked for two thousand years. I never knew there was data available, but okay." Leo asks if there's anything else. He says there isn't.

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West Wing




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