West Wing
Guns Not Butter

Episode Report Card
Deborah: B | 1 USERS: A-
Votes and Goats

As Will passes Donna outside Josh's office, she greets him: "Hey, Ted." He corrects her. Donna: "Okay." She goes into Josh's office, where he tells her they need Senator Hardin. She says they're already on it -- Leo's office called. I bet that was Margaret. Remember Margaret? Hey, you know what I want to see? I want to see a whole episode just about the assistants and minor characters. Maybe all the senior staff could take a three-hour boat tour and get marooned or something, or maybe they could just be forced to go to one of those touchy-feely personal development seminars Human Resources departments are always making people go to, or maybe they can go to a lecture to find out who moved their big block of cheese and then some mini-crisis could come up requiring the assistants to run the White House just for a couple of hours. Nothing major, just a couple of hours. Carol could do the press briefings; Donna can run interference with politicians; Bonnie and Ginger can decide to punch up one of Toby's speeches; Ed and Larry can be the non-political subplot, exploring the whatever it is between them that dare not speak its name. And Margaret can kibitz with Fitz in the Sit Room. Yeah, now you're scared. (New spinoff: Kibitzin' with Fitz.) Maybe Kenny could drop in, sans Joey, to finally ask Katie out. Maybe Alexander Haig could do a cameo, playing the politician Donna's got to deal with. Wouldn't that be funny? Wait, is he still alive? I have no idea. ["I believe he is -- and if he died, we'd know about it, given the continuing kerfuffle over whether he's Deep Throat. No, the other Deep Throat." -- Sars] Maybe Gail could fit in here somehow, too. Anyway, I think this would be amusing. Oh, where the hell was I? Donna asks Josh if he's going to try Cantina. Josh says he's going to try everybody, but Cantina's never voted in favour of sending any money anywhere: "I think he's against air mail stamps." Heh. Donna asks about McKenna. Josh says McKenna needs Republican votes on broadband access. Donna's skeptical about Hardin. Josh says she's a freshman Democrat and she can't say no to POTUS. Donna wonders if Josh has seen how foreign aid polls in Georgia. Josh has, and says that Hardin might be difficult to get on the phone today. Donna: "We've been here before." Josh: "Tell me about it." She says he had two different strategies that were shouted down, and he can't take the fall for this. Josh: "My job is to execute the plays Leo calls. The rest…" Donna wonders if he was serious about resigning. He doesn't answer, but instead hollers to the staff outside his office, "We looking for Hardin?" Donna assures him they're on it.

Charlie is at his desk, sorting the mail and handing things to another assistant. We see Zoey's drippy French boyfriend, Pierre EscargoAway (tm FLuFFy_slayer), standing in the doorway. A long lock of his hair is hanging annoyingly in his face, making me want to grab some scissors and snip it right off. He says, "So, Charlie. What it is you do is, you sort the mail for Zoey's father." Charlie guesses so. Le Vicomte Eurotrash (tm Alexandria) adds, "And you don't like me very much because I'm with Zoey now." Actually, you're the sort Charlie wouldn't like no matter whom you were dating. Charlie: "Jean Paul, I'm kind of working here." His Royal AssClownness says he understands. Yeah, I bet you understand "work." Perhaps Charlie could explain it to you using small words and visual aids. Frenchie (tm Omar) adds that Charlie has a lot of mail to sort. Charlie: "Also classified intelligence cables to prioritize and a meeting to break up between a President and a king." He asks the other assistant, Stacy, who's about to leave, where the big blue envelope (the one he was handed in the rope line) is going. She says it's going to General Correspondence. Didn't he retire? (Oh, I kill me.) Stacy says it's a servicewoman writing about food stamps. Charlie asks her to leave that letter here. She does, and leaves. Le Boyfriend makes a dismissive little "huh" sound and when Charlie glances at him, turns the other way, rolling his eyes. What, exactly, is he even doing here? Other serving as an excuse to irritate Charlie and annoy the hell out of me? I mean, Zoey's nowhere around, and she's probably not in the Oval Office meeting with her father and the King of Siam, or whoever. I'm not sure I've ever disliked any character on this show, much less one so trivial, as much I loathe this French-fried drip. I really hope Charlie gets an excuse to deliver him a pound of knuckle pudding.

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West Wing




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