West Wing
Guns Not Butter

Episode Report Card
Deborah: B | 1 USERS: A-
Votes and Goats

C.J. and Leo are outside the West Wing, staring at a very cute brown goat in a small wooden pen. He's being petted by his handler. I think I smell a rehash of the turkey plot from "Shibboleth," but it might just be the goat. C.J.'s wearing an absolutely gorgeous wrap coat that I covet. That, and the Cabriolet, and I'm happy. Finally C.J. speaks: "First of all, that's not a cow. It's not! It's a goat." Leo's got that pissed look. C.J. turns to Leo and sheepishly (snort) says, "Yeah, I may have agreed to something about a goat." Leo, quietly: "Did the First Lady get you drunk and take you shopping?" C.J.: "Leo…yes." She turns to the goat handler, who's more than a little reminiscent of Marvin or Milton or whatever the turkey wrangler's name was, and protests that since the organization's name is Heifer International, she was under the impression it was going to be a cow. Leo, angrily: "Lending Presidential aura to the photo?" C.J. says she thinks they'll wait until after the vote at 10:30, because if they lose the vote it would be a mistake for the vote to run tomorrow. Leo: "How big a mistake?" C.J. "One from which my job certainly would have hung in the balance." Leo: "In the balance?" She turns to Goat Boy and asks, "Goats are heifers, too?" He doesn't know. Some Goat Boy. Hey, as a representative of this organization, not to mention the animal's handler, shouldn't he know a little more about this? Goats are ruminants, but are they bovines? I believe heifers are by definition "bovines" so unless goats are bovines, they can't be heifers. But this charity provides all sorts of livestock (even bees! Bees!), as clearly indicated on their website, and I would think either C.J. would have looked into this herself or had Carol do it. Anyway. Leo declares, "If the President's wearing a hat, or that thing's wearing a Bartlet button, I'm hiding snakes in your car." He stalks off. C.J.: "Come on, don't say that! Not even to joke!" Leo turns and adds, "You're never gonna know where they are…" C.J. shrieks: "Leo!" Leo continues, "…or if you got 'em all out." He says to Goat Boy, "Excuse me," and walks off, threatening, "Gonna lay their eggs right in your glove compartment." C.J. turns back to Goat Boy and says it's going to be a while, and asks him to wait. Goat Boy replies, "Well, uh, Ron doesn't do that well in the cold." C.J.: "Are you Ron?" Goat Boy says, "I'm Mike." C.J.: "Of course. We'll find an empty room for him." Mike says he has oats in the truck. C.J.: "Well, you should bring the oats, because the Mess closes at six." Hee. The camera lingers on the adorable, long-floppy-eared goat, who's got way more personality than Pierre EscargoAway, let me tell you.

Charlie's working at his desk when Ginger delivers an envelope, saying it's a memo he's ordered from the Pentagon. Charlie states that he can't order memos from the Pentagon, or from anywhere for that matter. He takes the package, continuing to list his objections to all of this. He asks, "Who at the Pentagon thinks I can order a memo?" Ginger looks at her list and says, "The Secretary of Defense." Charlie says there's been a mistake, and ascertains that Ginger hasn't shown this to anyone else. She hasn't, but points out it's cc'ed to the Joint Chiefs and the Secretary of State. Charlie, grabbing the phone: "Uh-huh. Anyone here?" Meaning the Oval Office. Ginger: "POTUS, VPOTUS, Leo McGarry, and you." Charlie hangs up the phone. Ginger wonders what the memo says. Charlie takes out the documents and reads, "'Revised DoD Offsets and Cost Structure Adjustments for the Coming Fiscal Year.' And every other fiscal year. The table of contents is six pages long!" Ginger says he should read it, and wanders off.

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West Wing




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