C.J. and Leo are walking along, discussing a North Korean pianist who's going to be playing for the President. C.J. wonders if he's any good; Leo wonders who can tell one classical pianist from another. C.J.: "The President." Leo: "So he claims." Leo comments that since the guy is North Korean, Leo can't imagine how he even learned to play: "Their music's all hymns to the barley harvest...not that they ever have one." C.J.: "Too busy processing plutonium to feed anybody." Leo: "[That's] why they're a rogue state." There's the CliffsNotes version; no troubling details or dimension. C.J. complains, "'Rogue state.' Makes them sound raffishly charming. Should be 'thug state,' 'psycho state.'" That sorta talk don't wash in diplomatic circles. Also, C.J., Jane Fonda called and she wants her Klute haircut back. Leo says they'll ask the UN to designate it as such. C.J.: "Punk state, that's what they are -- a bunch of punks." Leo adds that they're a bunch of punks who might have six nuclear warheads. C.J. tells a hallway full of photographers that they'll be ready in a minute. She goes back to telling Leo that he could obliterate Australia, but that he'd still be just a punk. As they enter the Oval Office, Leo says, "Good opener. Use that." This? Is not promising.
In the Oval Office, POTUS is regaling the North Korean pianist and his entourage with tales of Jed's uselessness with pianos: "I could read okay, and I could get the fingering down, but I should have been sent to rhythm prison." The pianist -- a tall, dignified, bald young man -- listens politely while Jed keeps blathering over the translator's efforts to convey his message, as if this is the first time he's ever spoken to someone through a translator. What's with that? Yes, simultaneous translation and all, but this just comes across as sort of pushy and rude. They're not debating borders; they're greeting each other for the first time, and making small talk. POTUS: "What I did to the 'Appassionata'...war criminals can't get near the Hague. I have to stay out of Vienna." Yeah, this routine's going over big. The pianist just gazes at him, then allows a minimal smile when he gets the translation. Jed mutters that it's more amusing in English. How would he know, actually? Maybe it's friggin' hilarious in Korean, and the guy's just not given to guffawing. Leo comments to C.J.: "Marginally." Jed introduces Leo and C.J. The pianist asks if Leo and C.J. play piano, too. Leo says he doesn't. C.J. says she can play "Chopsticks." Whoops! Awkward cultural moment. The translator (who's wearing a military uniform and has more of the air of a guard than an assistant) tells the pianist what she said, and she adds, "A beginner's piece." Jed looks slightly uncomfortable, as does most everyone else. C.J. elaborates, "With an incredibly insensitive name. I'm sorry." Well, I'll bet in North Korea they probably play a beginner's piece called "Sporks."