West Wing
Hartsfield's Landing

Episode Report Card
Glark: C- | 1 USERS: C-
Chess: It's What's for Dinner

Props to me for actually finishing this before the next episode aired. Props to Deborah for all the hard WW work to date. Props to Wing and Sars for those twenty-hour days with nothing to show for it. Props to Amanda and Josh for the light at the end of those twenty-hour days.

It's 8:40 PM EST at Andrews Air Force Base. President Bartlet, in a long black trench coat, briskly disembarks Air Force One and makes a beeline to the awaiting press. Add a track from Propellerheads, and a shotgun or two, and we gots ourselves a little POTUS Matrix tribute. Reporters are shouting over each other to get in the first question about Bartlet's diplomatic trip to India. Bartlet gives a quick answer to the Indian-Pakistani dispute over Kashmir (the land, not the song) and promptly gets to the real issue of the day: the History of Chess and the introduction of this week's Lazy Metaphor. It seems that the Prime Minister of India (yes, that's right: not every country has a President) has given Bartlet a few historically significant chess sets as gifts and, in turn, Bartlet will give us, the West Wing viewers, the Gift of Metaphor.

Glark, what's a metaphor? I'm glad you asked. Webster's defines metaphor thus:

Met"a*phor, n. [F. m['e]taphore, L. metaphora, fr. Gr. ?, fr. ? to carry over, transfer; meta' beyond, over + fe'rein to bring, bear.] (Rhet.) The transference of the relation between one set of objects to another set for the purpose of brief explanation; a compressed simile; e. g., the ship plows the sea. --Abbott & Seeley. "All the world's a stage.'' --Shak.

What's a Lazy Metaphor, Glark? I'm also glad you asked that. Webster's defines lazy metaphor as such:

Lay-zee Met"a*phor, n. Using the game of chess to illustrate strategic maneuvers or complex relationships between two antagonists.

Glark, I hate to mention this, but I think the use of Webster's definitions to punctuate an argument is also lazy. Oh yeah? Well, you're banned!

Ring! Ring! Margaret's just connected Leo, via cell phone, to C.J., who's also at Andrews Air Force Base. Seems Leo doesn't give two craps what Lazy Metaphor Bartlet is establishing; he wants POTUS and the POTUS Players back at The White House. There's trouble a-brewing down China's way, and where there's China, there's fire. C.J. moseys over to the President -- who's still yakking about chess -- turns to the press pool, and simply says, "Thank you everybody." BAM! End of question period. That's power -- you go, C.J. If C.J. ended every question period with a little "and they call me The Jackal," then, ladies and gentlemen, we'd have one ass-kicking show. C.J. leads Bartlet away, but he turns back and reminds the press, "Hey, don't forget Hartsfield votes in three hours and twenty-one minutes; we're going to find out who the next President is!" He gives a final wave before turning his full attention to C.J.: "I'm going to give some of the chess sets out as gifts; did you see them?" C.J. gets to the point and replies, "Leo needs you in the car." "Did he say?" asks POTUS. "China," C.J. says. Bartlet's face takes on a grim expression. Well, grimmer, anyway. Being the leader of the free world isn't a party 24/7.

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West Wing




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