Chinese Ambassador David Lo Pan is at the White House looking for a girl with green eyes. Uh...sorry, that was a movie. The Chinese Ambassador is back from Chinatown, where he was tending to Faye Dunaway's eye socket. No, that's not it either. Oh, the Chinese Ambassador is back from trying to break up Tango & Cash. Aw, fudge. Well, regardless of what he was doing before his arrival at the White House, he's now sitting in a stuffy room with two aides next to him and Leo, Nancy, and (I assume) a Chinese relations specialist across the way. Between the Chinese and American parties, there is a small table with a crystal bowl on it. The crystal bowl contains no delicious treats, and therefore we cannot expect good things from this meeting. No snacks, no progress. When will they learn about the healing power of sugar and milk fat? The Chinese Ambassador says he is at the White House because America has "discovered [that] calling us reckless is not working." Nancy is having none of it, and shoots back, "Taiwan is a geo-strategic [geo-strategic? Where's the chess board?] centre for commerce. It sits on an oil lane for Asia and the Middle East. Unnecessarily militarizing on such a large scale is, in fact, reckless." The Chinese Ambassador -- already a bit miffed at the lack of Hershey bars and Sugar Daddys in the bowl in front of him -- replies, "Taiwan is a part of China and is not a protectorate of the United States. And it is your action that is an encroachment on Chinese sovereignty." Uh oh. Logic. Leo better turn this around...and fast: "Our battle carrier groups are in international waters. Are you claiming jurisdiction?" "No," replies the snack-deprived Chinese Ambassador. "Then let's settle down," Leo says in his Leo way. The Chinese Ambassador -- now looking around the table and seeing Nancy and Leo as a pair of talking Twix bars -- introduces the topic of the Shanghai Communiqué. Nancy lays out the American view of the Communiqué: "There is but one China, and Taiwan is a part of China, and the United States government does not challenge that position." The Communiqué between Nixon and Mao says that America acknowledges but doesn't necessarily endorse the One China policy making for (by design, I'm sure) vague and very interpretable policy. She goes on to say that the U.S. is only interested in the solution of the "Taiwan Question" by the Chinese (meaning the Chinese people of China and Taiwan) themselves. Okay, so America wants to have its egg roll and eat it, too. Ambassador No Snack lays down the obvious answer to Nancy's stated position -- namely, that it's hard to settle the Taiwan Question when America is supplying Taiwan with arms. Leo says that topic is not up for discussion, at which time the Ambassador has got to be wondering why he came to the White House at all, and vowing that if they ever come to the Chinese Embassy, he'll eat Pixy Stix in front of them while making overt "mmmm mmmm ooooh" noises. Bottom line: China's going ahead with the war games as soon as the Patriots are tested.