A title card indicates that it's "Monday Night," throwing off my already precarious sense of time. The Prez speechifies: "eighteen million new jobs," "highest home ownership in history," "economic expansion," etc. We see the magic of the teleprompter, as the Prez speaks to the staff, who are scattered about in the nearly-empty Press Room. It must be an accurate imitation of a State of the Union address, because I slip into a coma almost instantly. Toby's voice revives me when he interrupts to correct a figure the Prez gave: "It's 'ninety billion dollars.' You said 'million.'" The Prez notes that the teleprompter text reads "million." Sam says that they'll fix it. The Prez coughs a bit and starts over. C.J. and Josh watch on a closed-circuit television. Josh says that the Prez looks unwell. C.J. sips her coffee and agrees. Josh asks, "Are his glands swollen?" "Damn!" says C.J. "You know what I forgot to do today? I forgot to feel the President's glands." Josh asks, "Do you think the joke reflex you use as a defense mechanism is why you've got so much trouble keeping a man?" C.J. dumps her hot cup off coffee on Josh's head. Well, she should have. The Prez says, "'I came to this hallowed chamber one year ago'...and I see we're spelling 'hallowed' with a pound sign in the middle of it. The pound sign is silent?" He continues, saying that his mission was to restore the American dream "'as we gaze at the vast horizon of possibilities open to us in the 321st century.' Wow, that was ambitious of me, wasn't it?" Heh. Leo suggests that it's time for a break. The Prez asks Sam if the word should have been "stronger" where the text reads, "I'm proud to report, our country's stranger than it was a year ago." "That's a typo," says Sam, but the Prez says, "It could go either way." I am not fool enough to make fun of the staff's proofreading skills, since Wing has to correct my errors in these recaps. ["I don't think our mistakes are this funny though, Strega -- but only Wing could say for sure." -- deborah] ["I love you both." -- Wing Chun] Josh and C.J. approach the Prez and inquire about his health. The Prez insists that he's fine. C.J. says that he should be taking something, but the Prez says he is. The whole gang starts parading down the hallway. When asked what, he says, "My wife hands me pills, I swallow them with water. Vitamin C, vitamin B. Is it possible I'm taking something called 'euthanasia'?" "Echinacea?" Sam asks. C.J. nags, "Are you actually taking them or just carrying them around in your pocket?" The Prez growls that carrying them around was a big step for him. As they move through the offices, the Prez instructs Toby to amend the speech to read, "How do we make the American dream a reality for all who work for it?" Toby complains. Josh indicates that polls support adding that phrase, adding, "I'll tell you what else: The era of big government is over." Toby asks when that happened. Josh replies, "We had a meeting this morning." Toby says, "We decided to offend poor people?" Josh points out that the people they might offend won't be watching the speech. Toby retorts, "When you get visited in the middle of the night by the Ghost of Christmas Future, don't come running to me." Toby also observes that the Prez looks unwell. "Well, I'm gazing into the 321st century, man; there's a lot on my mind." "'Man'?" I wonder. C.J. nags some more. The Prez agrees to take the pills immediately. He mentions that he will drink water from a pitcher that was given to him by the Christian Charity Network. He also calls Toby, "Skippy." Turning to Toby, the Prez says, "Before you start calling me Ebenezer Bartlet, remember, I got a really nice glass pitcher for just, you know, being a good guy." Toby deadpans, "Well, you turned me right around on that one, Mr. President." The Prez enters the Oval Office. Sam notes that normally the President is invited by the Speaker of the House to deliver the State of the Union, but that they haven't gotten an invitation yet. Leo asks Sam to take care of that little technicality. Suddenly, there's here's a big crash from inside the office. They rush in to find the Prez has collapsed, and is lying face-down on the floor. Credits.
A doctor, who looks a little too much like Peter Cushing to be trustworthy, reports that the Prez has the flu. The Prez insists that he's fine. Apart from having the flu. Leo insists that the Prez go to bed, but the Prez says he can't yet, and hands a note to Leo, adding, "Situation Room." Leo looks at the note and agrees. The Prez stands up, and suddenly stumbles, causing everyone to panic. The Prez straightens himself, smirks, and says, "Just a little joke." That kooky president! I bet the Secret Service loves him.