West Wing
Opposition Research

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LTG: B- | 3 USERS: A+
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Lovers' Spat

Doug, Liz, and Santos walk into the diner and start greeting voters. There are a bunch of reporters waiting there, and one of them asks Doug to respond to an accusation from his opponent that he is willing to let snowmobilers destroy national parks. Doug says that he cares deeply about parks, and deflects other questions by saying, "We're going to have a lot to say about our parks." Brock jumps in and asks Santos about his quote, and Santos doesn't give a response: "We're here to meet the voters." But all of a sudden Doug piles on, asking Santos, "But you don't value our votes, do you?" After a pause, Santos makes it clear that he values everyone's vote. Doug goes on to ask Santos to apologize to the voters: "Why don't you acknowledge here and now our role as the presidential wine-tasters of America." Does that mean that New Hampshire voters swish candidates around in their mouths before spitting them back into a glass? Doug tells Santos that without an apology, Doug could never support him. Santos: "I'm not much of a wine drinker. And I'm sorry I won't have your support." And with that, he goes off to greet more voters. Josh looks pained.

The Santos SUV pulls up in front of a small motel. It's nighttime, and Santos continues to blather on about education. The man sure does love to hear himself speak. Santos, Josh, and Ronna all exit the vehicle. Once again, Santos is in the driver's seat. Josh tells Ronna that he and Santos have to go over the schedule. Santos looks around, and says, "We gotta get a little better code language than that." Well, when I was in the Boy Scouts, my boyfriend and I used to tell people we had to go on nature walks. But that's a lousy cover story in the winter. Ronna goes into her motel room while Josh and Santos go into another. As they walk into the room, Santos tells Josh that he needs to call his kids before they go to bed. And by "they," I think he meant the kids and not, you know, Josh and Santos.

Josh and Santos enter the motel room. Let's just say it's "rustic." There is a very long and awkward silence. Finally, Josh turns to Santos and says, "I know this isn't the way you thought it would be." That's why rushed marriages are rarely a good idea. Santos tells Josh that he thought running for President would have some loose connection to public policy. Josh tells him that "every first-time candidate makes mistakes. The good ones fix 'em, don't make the same ones twice." Santos thinks they are stuck with the mistake he made, and then tries to move the discussion on to the education speech he wants to give at Hawkes House the next night. Josh tells him that he has to shelve the education plan and retract the Mayflower quote. Santos sits down on the bed, and worries that he'll make himself look like "a flip-flopper." (I'm going to assume too few of you are familiar enough with gay porn to understand why that line is so funny. But be assured, it was hilarious.) Josh would rather have him be seen as a flip-flopper than "political toast." Santos asks Josh whether he disagrees with the quote, and Josh will only talk about the need to succeed in New Hampshire if the campaign is going to succeed anywhere. Josh tells Santos, "We need to sell you first, then we'll get to the big issues."

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West Wing

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