West Wing
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Doppelganger: A | 11 USERS: A+
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Welcome to the West Wing

Anyway. The crap is cut through. One of the right-wingers asks the Prez if $5 is too high a price to pay for free speech. The Prez shuts him up by saying, "No, but it's a high price to pay for pornography," which is a pretty good line, too. And let me add, that I can totally see Martin Sheen's agent, manager, and personal scriptwriter all poring over the script and commandeering all the good lines for Martin.

So then the Prez starts analogizing (and I resisted the urge to say "parablizing"), which gets a little old when you have to rewind the tape four or five times, but the upshot is that he tells everyone that he got into his bike accident because he was "about as mad as [he's] ever been in [his] life." It seems that his twelve-year-old granddaughter, Annie, had given an interview to a teen magazine, and she'd given her thoughts on a woman's right to choose. The Prez stares at the right-wingers, saying, "From what part of Holy Scripture do you suppose the Lambs of God drew their divine inspiration to send my 12-year-old granddaughter a Raggedy Ann doll with a knife through its throat?"

That pretty much shuts everyone up. The right-wingers shuffle out of the office, having been told to publicly denounce the Lambs of God and "get their fat asses out of my White House." Is it, in fact the President's White House? Can he call it "my house"? Inquiring minds want to know.

When just his staffers are left, the Prez tells another story about his granddaughter and a tomato, which I won't bore you with, but I will say that I hope this analogizing doesn't happen more than three times per episode. And then someone makes an announcement about the fact that most of the Cubans turned back from the storm, hundreds of them died, and couple hundred to Miami alive. The Prez gives some heartwarming speech about people seeking a better life in America, which is supposed to indicate that America will take care of them, but I'm thinking, "Fuck you, America...where were you when they were out on the water? Is this some kind of Darwinian thing, where if you survive the escape from your oppressive country, THEN you get to live in America? If I had a pipe bomb right now, you'd really have to watch your back."

Everyone leaves all reverently, and the Prez stops Josh, who's the last one out, and absolves him, and then the Prez summons his secretary and gets down to business and the camera pans up to the ceiling of the Oval Office so we can look down and rest assured that the President of the United States does indeed have all his hair.

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West Wing

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