MONDO EXTRAS

It's nighttime now, and Brooke and Chris are driving home in a white Volkswagen Beetle. Okay, I forgive the hair and the clothes and the glasses, because this is one of my favourite cars. He walks her to the door of her house (another beautiful, huge, old-fashioned place). She asks if he'd like to come in; he thinks he'd better not. She asks again if he's okay; he claims that he is. She smooches him and says she had a wonderful time. It starts to rain heavily. My head is already hurting from the clichés and formulae that are limping through the film. She asks again if he'd like to come in. He says, "Better not. Some things are worth waiting for." He macks on her some more. He leaves, and as she watches him go, she suddenly calls, "Johnny, wait!" She runs out into the rain for some more smooching and to tell him, "I'm so crazy about you!" Personally, I suspect her of being after the car, but I may be projecting here. He tells her he's going to marry her. She says, "You better!" And they swap some more spit. Enough already. She runs back to the porch and calls out, "Drive carefully!" That's what I always say when people leave my house. That's the sort of old lady I am. He says he will.

Off Johnny goes, in the Bug. It's foggy as well as raining heavily. As he drives along, another set of lights is heading toward him. Uh oh: it's a guy driving an eighteen-wheeler, and he's jerkily dozing off and waking up again. He loses control of the vehicle, and the trailer detaches from the cab, which drives off into a field. The load is a refrigerated truck full of milk, and it slides length-wise down the hill toward Johnny. Of course he doesn't see it in time to swerve out of its way, and crashes into it. Cow juice everywhere. (Insert your own joke about crying and spilt milk here.) The truck driver runs toward the overturned Bug and opens the door.

Brooke -- wearing pyjamas, boots, and a winter coat -- flies into a hospital with the architecture detail of a mansion. Her face drawn, she finds her way to Johnny's room, where she finds him unconscious, heavily bandaged, bleeding here and there, and with a tube in his mouth. Naturally, she cries. She tearfully pleads, "Johnny, don't leave me, please." She says she knows he'll get better, and that they're going to get married. Silly girl.

The next shot is of a foreboding brick and concrete fence, and an engraved copper sign that reads "The Weizak Clinic." It's winter. The Weizak Clinic is in another fabulous old house. I'm hating the film, but I want to live in the set. We see Johnny awaken in a hospital bed. He's all fixed up, but looks slightly dazed, and his face is quite ashen; his lips are dry and cracked. He looks to his left only to see a fuzzy-haired, white-coated guy standing there wearing heavy black-framed glasses that look just like the ones Dr. Hibbert gives Bart in the episode where he turns into a nerd due to his various medical appliances and problems. The dude introduces himself as Dr. Sam Weizak, the director of the clinic. He tells Johnny that he's been their guest for a while. Doc asks how he feels; Johnny says his throat hurts. Weizak gives him some water. Weizak explains that Johnny was involved in a severe traffic accident, and asks whether Johnny remembers it. Johnny asks if he's okay. The doctor says he's been smashed up pretty badly. Johnny lifts his arms and looks at them. They seem fine. He feels his face and says, "No bandages. How come?" The doctor doesn't answer but just says that he's going to bring in Johnny's parents now.