West Wing
Welcome To Wherever You Are

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Mr. Crankypants Goes To Washington

Back in the conference room, Toby, Alana, and one or two other people are sitting in the room, not speaking, when the U.S. Attorney enters. He's tall, blond, generically handsome. I definitely recognize him as a refugee from some failed NBC sitcom. There may have been a girl and a pizza place involved, or maybe a southern, not at all gay comedian forced to live in Boston, or maybe Mark Feuerstein. You know the kind of show I'm talking about. Toby's still working on his crossword puzzle, and he asks again for a five-letter word for "blowhard." I think it might be "whale." The U.S. Attorney has called Toby there to repeat the deal he's offered in the past -- namely, if Toby gives up the name of the person who told him about the shuttle, he will be allowed to plead guilty and receive a one-year sentence. Toby repeats his response to this offer, which is "no," and that the U.S. Attorney tells him that he's adding "a sweetener" to the deal. Unless Toby gives up the name of his source by the next day, the U.S. Attorney will go to a grand jury and indict Toby for obstruction of justice. In so doing, it will cause subpoenas to be served on C.J., Leo, and President Bartlet. That doesn't sound very sweet to me. Toby and Alana both immediately conclude that this would throw the election to Vinick. Toby asks, "You're gonna sabotage a national election over this?" U.S. Attorney: "No, you are." The U.S. Attorney gets up to leave, and then he tells Toby, "Oh, by the way, it's 'storm.' Five letters for 'blowhard'? 'Storm.'" I would still go with "whale." Commercials.

It's noon, and the Santos campaign is in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Santos is taking questions, Donna's speaking to someone on the phone, and Lou is yelling at someone else on the phone (trying to pitch a reporter on the story about the Vinick campaign recycling a Santos slogan). Lou and Donna finish their calls at about the same time. Lou is taken aback, because the reporter she was speaking with hung up on her. Donna asks whether it was A.P., and Lou tells her it was Reuters. Donna: "Snotty." Lou: "A little bit." Donna's phone call was with Stu, from The Tonight Show. Santos is supposed to appear, and the show's writers are floating a sketch that would involve him dressing as Robin Hood (complete with tights). Lou asks, "Have you seen Jon?" Donna: "Jon?" Lou: "Bon Jovi." Lou floats a cover story about Santos wanting to thank Bon Jovi for helping to get 60,000 people to show up at the rally. But she's clearly just asking on her own behalf. Lou walks away, but not without making a call to another reporter to pitch the slogan story.

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West Wing

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