Cutty is raking leaves as part of his off-the-books landscaping gig, when the home-owner comes out and speaks to everyone in something that sounds vaguely like Spanish. "You quiero mucho menos pastilles de sequoia en eso. Y muy mas oco en poco," she says tentatively. "Si?" No -- not si. Not at all. Cutty doesn't know what the hell she's saying. Neither do the Spanish-speaking gardeners nor, for that matter, does the person responsible for handling the closed-captioning for The Wire DVDs. I'm going to pretend she either asked them to cut down her sequoia tree or to keep quiet should she ever run for public office and her use of undocumented workers surface in press reports. It could be either, really.
Word comes over the wire that Cheese's crew is going to make a move on Dazz, so the Major Case unit decides to make a move on Cheese -- even McNulty, who is pouting in the detail room with his arms folded when Daniels orders everyone to mount up. I can't tell from the DVD, but I wouldn't be surprised if McNulty were holding his breath in protest as well. Anyhow, they go to arrest Cheese, and it goes pretty swimmingly -- even after one of the flunkies opens the door to their hideout just as the police are about to swing the battering ram to knock down the door, and there's this awkward moment where everyone freezes before leaping into action. But arrests are made, suspects are apprehended, and no shots are fired. A good job all around; shame that it will all go pear-shaped once they realize that body Cheese is responsible for is one of the four-legged variety.
At the Western District, Professor Herc J. Hercelstein, SuperGenius, is outlining the purely theoretical sexual conquests he plans on theoretically enjoying once he accepts Carver's gay-for-play challenge. These conquests include, but are not limited to: Dick Van Dyke Show-era Mary Tyler Moore; the Olsen twins; and Dozerman's girlfriend. "She's baking a cake, naked," says Herc in one of those perhaps-you've-thought-about-this-a-little-too-much moments. "White flour splotches all over her fine brown skin. I come in, in a chef's hat, nothing else on, johnson out to here, and I say, 'That's no way to stir a batter.'" First off, that shows an alarming lack of concern for proper food safety. Second, AAAAAAARRRGH! AAAAAAAARGH! MY BRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIN! And the poor unfortunate male who will be having intercourse with Herc in order to secure these sexual delights? Former Baltimore Orioles catcher Gus Triandos. And perhaps you are thinking to yourself, "Gus Triandos?" Well, allow Herc to explain: "It's got nothing to do with sex. It's about sympathy. It's about giving a guy a break...He looked like this little kid who got left at a bus station by his parents. You know why? Because he had to catch Hoyt Wilhelm's knuckleball. Five fucking years. The worst gig in baseball. It was like trying to catch a greased pig with wings. I mean, he even told a reporter once, 'Wilhelm nearly ruined me.' Gus Triandos. Big slow guy." Okay, then. Mr. Triandos thanks you for your concern, Herc. Though the question remains, which worse: Catching Hoyt Wilhelm's knuckleball or catching Herc's? Here's hoping I never find out.