At Western District HQ, Major Howard "Bunny" Colvin -- who we met ever so briefly in Season 2 -- is giving two raw recruits their initiation speech. "Do you know where you are?" Colvin asks the two officers; the blank expression on their faces suggests that they do not. "The Western, Major," one offers. "Right this very goddamn second, you getting your hind parts kicked," Colvin explains. "And you on the horn screaming for help. And you got your backup looking all over the place 'cause he don't know where the fuck you are. And that means I gotta explain to your next of kin how you went and got yourselves killed on my watch." Oh, if that's what you're looking for -- "We're at 1034 North Mount, first floor rear," one of the two greenhorns answers. Good, Colvin says -- now which way is north? More blank stares. "Point," Colvin orders. That one of the officers points up toward the sky should tell you how well they fared on this part of the quiz. Colvin sighs. He'll be doing that a lot this season. He tells the officers that even numbers tell them they're going north and west, odd numbers south and east; in the meantime, he tosses them some compasses to carry until they manage margin competence with directions. Or at least figure out that "north" doesn't mean "twenty feet above you."
From the crucible of Colvin's withering gaze, the two new officers step outside into the gale-force-strength mockery of Herc and Carver. It's hard to say which situation is worse, though it's very easy to figure out which would be more irritating. "Hey, Carv," Herc asks, " where you at?" "I'm at a desk outside the roll call room on the first floor of 1034 North Mount," Carver rattles off. "My feet are facing west, and my dick is pointing south-southwest." Ha ha. But don't feel too bad, fellas -- "Bunny Colvin's been giving that speech as long as you guys been sucking air," Herc says. And it probably just sunk in with Herc about five seconds before the cameras started rolling. Herc and Carver are here to do more than just bust some new guys' respective chops; they're filling out that paperwork on the drug runner they finally busted with the help of the 101st Airborne. That's an exaggeration, of course -- but Colvin does come out to note that Herc and Carver required the services of "half [his] district, K-9, and the copter" to arrest a fourteen-year-old for loitering in a drug-free zone. "What did we learn?" Colvin demands. "That you can't raise up and run from a drug corner in Sector One without my boot finding your ass," Herc answers stupidly. Bunny sighs. Told you he does that a lot.