Clay Davis is on the stand at his corruption trial, and for this particular performance, his lawyer will be playing the part of the dubious shill. "I don't know, senator," Murphy says. "I want to believe you. I mean, I'm your lawyer. But there's all this up on the board that Mr. Bond has on display -- $11,000 to West Side Hoops. Next day, $11,000 drawn. Then, $11,000 deposited into your personal bank account." You know, I'm no lawyer, but this line of questioning doesn't strike me as particularly exculpatory. Nor does Clay's answer: yes, he took that money because it made it easier for him to do his job. Come again? Well, take that $11,000, for instance. "Some went to pay everybody's BGE," Clay explains, "because half my district was going to have the heat turned off. And some went to puff jackets for them that got children in need." Ah, so it's the ol' "If I spent it on your shit, you must acquit" defense. Indeed, Clay has now launched into a full-frontal defiance mode: "In my neck of the woods, it's a jungle out there. Everybody living hand to mouth. Improvising, hustling, making do with as little as you can imagine. Hell, that TV show...Survivor? Man, they want some good contestants, they need to come around Westside." The courtroom spectators chuckle. Me, I'm frantically drafting a letter to Mark Burnett, begging him to make this happen. It's Pimlico Tribe versus Fells Point in a battle to see who can scale up the Bromo-Seltzer Tower -- this week on Survivor: Baltimore. "And Fear Factor?" Clay continues. "Don't even get me started." Good -- because I'm less interested in watching Joe Rogan exhorting people to eat crab cakes made of unspeakably awful ingredients.