The Wire

Episode Report Card
Mr. Sobell: B- | Grade It Now!
"They Don't Teach It In Law School"

Back to the Sun, where Gus is complaining about the copy of...Fletch? Alma? The guy who covers Orioles games? No, it's Templeton, but you probably guessed that right away. It's not that Templeton's news story is written in the first person that's bothering Gus: "But this business about him 'being out there day and night with the homeless.' I mean, this stuff about him sharing their 'darkest corners with them...'" Gus is sharing these objections with Snidely Whiplash and Dick Dastardly... oh, my mistake, it's Klebanow and Whiting. But I hope you can understand why I might have confused them for poorly drawn cartoon villains. Anyhow points out that Templeton is writing as more of an essayist and he points it out in the tone of voice one normally reserves for explaining things to an especially thick child. Gus wonders if writing things in the voice of an essayist would be a more appropriate task for...hmm, I'm grasping for words essayist, not unlike the columnist who is already employed by the Sun and turned in copy on the homeless killings. "This stuff Scott's written," Gus continues, "it makes it sound like he's been living with the homeless for weeks. He spends one night under the J.F.X., another half-day quoting people in a homeless shelter. It ain't exactly Studs Terkel." "You don't think the piece should run as it is?" Klebanow asks. Gee, professor, what keen insight into the human mind allowed you to leap to that conclusion? Of course, Gus doesn't think the piece should run as is, you nitwit. Anyhow, Klebanow gives Gus the ol' "I respect your concerns" treatment and offers to edit Templeton's piece personally. And by "edit," I think we can all agree that he means "run it without a touched syllable but pretend like I will if it means shutting you up for the rest of the goddamn evening." Gus hands over the copy and takes his leave so that Snidely and Dastardly can chortle over their plot to cheat Penelope Pitstop out of winning the next Wacky Race.

Okay, ladies and more than a handful of you gents -- Cedric Daniels is relaxing at home, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and lean, velvety muscle mass. Since you probably paid very little attention to the rest of this scene, allow me to summarize: Daniels and Pearlman are watching the news reports of the homeless killings, and Daniels is sighing that if nothing else, the police are finally getting the resources they need. Say, speaking of giving people what they need, Rhonda, how's about a little sugar for your chiseled, crime-fighting warrior-poet? No can do, Ced -- Pearlman needs to prepare for the Clay Davis trial. And even though Bond is foolishly taking the lead on this one, Pearlman wants to be the best second chair she can be. So there'll be any breathtakingly awesome Daniels-Pearlman love-making will have to take place in the confines of your own imagination, people, where I am sure everything is much filthier than anything David Simon and Richard Price could hope to come up with.

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The Wire




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