X-Files

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B | 674 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
4-D

Across town, Lukesh is taking his mail out of the box, and looking appropriately shifty. He goes upstairs and enters an apartment. "Who's there?" calls an elderly-sounding crotchety old lady type. "Is somebody there? Irwin, is that you?" Lukesh sighs. "Who else would it be, Mama?" he answers. Well, no wonder he's cutting women's tongues out: his mother named him Irwin. Mama though Irwin was gone for an awfully long time! Lukesh takes a bottle of Clamato out of the fridge and starts making a drink. He calls out that he was gone as long as he said he would be gone. "God, I was all alone! And I heard the knob rattle! Somebody was rattling the knob. It was robbers, I'm sure of it!" Mama tells him. She's like the poor man's Livia Soprano. While she whines in the background, Lukesh opens a drawer to reveal a gun, sitting neatly on a pile of napkins. He fondles it lovingly for a moment, before he brings his mother her Clamato, as ordered. The theme song to Days of Our Lives pours out of the open bedroom door. "Could you make me my hot sandwich so I can eat my sandwich while I watch my show?" Livia II asks. Lukesh trudges back into the kitchen. This episode is all about sandwiches! Evil sandwiches. Livia II calls after her son, asking what kind of sandwich he's making her. "Potted meat," Lukesh responds. "Have I had it before?" she asks. "Many times," Lukesh says, from inside the refrigerator. "You love it." Then he turns around. He's holding a severed human tongue in a bag. Tongue in a Bag is the name of my new album. In stores now! Also, sandwiches? Not quite as appetizing anymore. ["No, Jessica, NO! If you give up your love of sandwiches, the terrorists have already won!" -- Wing Chun]

X-Files

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