Mulder stumbles out of the RV and holds the breadsticks up like a crucifix. "Back!" he hisses at the mob. It totally doesn't work. I guess vampires aren't scared by a cross composed entirely of carbs. They reach for Mulder. "Argh!" he yells. "No! Noooo!"
The next morning, Mulder's been dumped in the front seat of his rental car, his untied shoes sticking out of the driver's-side window. Scully wanders into his line of vision, wearing Luke's jacket and looking like hell. He sits up, looking fairly crappy himself. "Mulder," Scully says flatly. "Scully, what happened?" he asks. She sighs. "I came to in a cemetery, that's all I know," she says. Mulder frantically begins examining his neck for puncture wounds in the rearview mirror. In his haste, he honks the horn with his elbow. They both jump. Scully purses her lips. Finally, Mulder heaves himself out of the car and looks at her neck. Neither of them has been bitten. They look around the empty RV park. "They pulled up stakes," Mulder observes. He's covered in mud yet again. Scully looks at him wanly. He kneels down to tie his shoes.
Skinner's office. "So that's it? They simply disappeared without a trace?" the Skinman asks. Mulder nods. Scully sighs. "And that's exactly what happened, from start to finish?" The two of them sort of exchange looks. Mulder nods. Scully blabbers that she can neither confirm nor deny what happened to Agent Mulder outside of her presence. Mulder pipes up that he can neither confirm nor deny what happened to Agent Scully outside of his presence. "But, um..." he finally trails off. "Anyway, I was drugged," Scully yelps. Mulder looks right at Skinner. "But that is, essentially, exactly the way it happened," he says slowly. "Essentially," Scully agrees. The theme song accompanies us out to the credits.
"Except for the part about the buck teeth," Mulder gets in, just before FOX goes to the news. And that episode just couldn't be any better.