RV park. Mulder walks from trailer to trailer, investigating stuff. Eventually, he trips over one of those plastic things that they stick on pizzas to keep the top of the box from sticking to the cheese. Mulder pockets it and opens the door of a nearby trailer. He goes inside and looks around, finally happening upon a coffin in the back. "Hellllo," he coos, opening it to find Ronnie, sleeping with his headphones on. "Sleeping late?" Mulder wonders. Ronnie opens his green, vampy eyes and reaches for him. After a brief struggle, Mulder manages to force the lid down. He sits on it, sort of riding the coffin like a mechanical bull, and starts reading Ronnie his rights. "Come on, cut it out, Ronnie," Mulder asks when Ronnie's struggling almost bucks him off. He looks out the window to see that the rest of Ronnie's vampy brethren are closing in on the trailer, their eyes glowing in the darkness. "Oh, damn," he says. Finally, he manages to use his handcuffs to jury-rig a lock on the coffin. He leaps off and casts around the RV for something he can use to fight the approaching undead. He grabs two breadsticks from the table.
Mulder stumbles out of the RV and holds the breadsticks up like a crucifix. "Back!" he hisses at the mob. It totally doesn't work. I guess vampires aren't scared by a cross composed entirely of carbs. They reach for Mulder. "Argh!" he yells. "No! Noooo!"
The next morning, Mulder's been dumped in the front seat of his rental car, his untied shoes sticking out of the driver's-side window. Scully wanders into his line of vision, wearing Luke's jacket and looking like hell. He sits up, looking fairly crappy himself. "Mulder," Scully says flatly. "Scully, what happened?" he asks. She sighs. "I came to in a cemetery, that's all I know," she says. Mulder frantically begins examining his neck for puncture wounds in the rearview mirror. In his haste, he honks the horn with his elbow. They both jump. Scully purses her lips. Finally, Mulder heaves himself out of the car and looks at her neck. Neither of them has been bitten. They look around the empty RV park. "They pulled up stakes," Mulder observes. He's covered in mud yet again. Scully looks at him wanly. He kneels down to tie his shoes.
Skinner's office. "So that's it? They simply disappeared without a trace?" the Skinman asks. Mulder nods. Scully sighs. "And that's exactly what happened, from start to finish?" The two of them sort of exchange looks. Mulder nods. Scully blabbers that she can neither confirm nor deny what happened to Agent Mulder outside of her presence. Mulder pipes up that he can neither confirm nor deny what happened to Agent Scully outside of his presence. "But, um..." he finally trails off. "Anyway, I was drugged," Scully yelps. Mulder looks right at Skinner. "But that is, essentially, exactly the way it happened," he says slowly. "Essentially," Scully agrees. The theme song accompanies us out to the credits.