"You're my proof! You were there," Mulder says. Scully makes a skeptical face, like he can just think about that some more and see if he can come up with something better. "Okay, now you're scaring me, Scully," Mulder tells her. He wants to hear exactly what she's planning to tell the Skinman. "Oh, you want our stories straight?" Scully asks. Mulder sputters that he didn't say that. He just wants to know exactly what she's planning to say. "I don't feel comfortable with that," Scully informs him prissily. "Prison, Scully," Mulder reminds her, crossing his arms over his chest. "Your cellmate's name is going to be Large Marge. She's going to read a lot of Gertrude Stein." In one of my favorite moments of this episode, Gillian Anderson covers her face with her hand in what is supposed to be disgust, but if you look closely enough you can see that she's actually trying not to laugh. I can't imagine how many times they had to do this scene if this was the best they could come up with. And since we never get to see Gillian Anderson break character, this moment is charming rather than annoying. Of course, please bear in mind that this is coming from a person who loved how Jerry Seinfeld could barely keep himself from cracking up on Seinfeld.
"All right," Scully finally breathes. "All right. Start at the beginning," Mulder tells her. "The very beginning?" Scully asks. Mulder takes a seat, holding up one cautionary finger. He waves a small tape recorder -- of the "Diane, this morning I had an exquisite piece of cherry pie" variety -- and gestures at her to continue. "Fine," Scully sighs ruefully. "Yesterday morning, when I arrived at work, you were, uh, characteristically exuberant," she says, getting up and beginning to pace the office, her arms crossed over her chest.
Cut to Scully Vision, which seems mostly to involve Mulder speeding out of his mind. He slaps a set of airline tickets on the desk. "Hope you brought your cowboy boots," he yelps. Scully examines the tickets. "You want us to go to Dallas?" she asks. "Yee-haw!" Mulder responds before explaining, rapid-fire, that they're actually going to Chaney, a little town just outside of Dallas. He's talking really, really, really fast. Scully listens calmly as Mulder rapidly explains that, of late, Chaney has been "ground zero, the locus for a series of nocturnal exsanguinations!" Scully purses her lips. "Exsanguinations? Of whom?" she asks.
Cut to a slide of a dead cow on the side of the road, all four of its legs splayed straight up in the air. "How does that grab ya?" Mulder yells. Scully sighs. "It's a --" she begins. "Dead cow!" Mulder interrupts. "Exactly! Or, more specifically, a dead nine-hundred-pound Holstein, its body completely drained of blood! As is this one! This one! This one! This one! And so on! Six all in all! Approximately one a week for the past six weeks!" Scully takes this in for the one second that Mulder allows her and asks if there's any sign of -- "two small puncture wounds on the neck?" he jumps in. Scully says that's not what she was going ask. "Too bad! We got 'em!" Mulder chirps, cueing up a close-up of the bloody holes. Scully suggests that they might be puncture wounds from a syringe, meant to emulate fangs, possibly the work of cultists. Mulder's eyes are huge. "What?" she asks. "Yeah, that's probably it!" Mulder snorts. "Satanic cultists! Come on, Scully!" He tosses his head back and laughs at the absurdity of this suggestion. "You're not going to tell me you think this is that Mexican goatsucker thing?" Scully mutters. "El Chupacabra? Nah, that's got four fangs instead of two. And they suck goats, hence the name," Mulder speeds. "So, instead this would be...?" Scully eyebrows. "A classic case of vampirism!" Mulder says. "Of a bunch of cows?" Scully wonders. "And one dead human! Last night! A vacationer! From New Jersey! Come on, we gotta go," Mulder tells her, grabbing his things and racing pell-mell out of the office. Scully wonders why the hell he didn't tell her that from the get-go, and he responds from off-screen with something about explaining on the way out. "Oy," Scully sighs.