X-Files

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The One With Peter Boyle

Back at the hotel, Blond Cop is telling Bruckman bad jokes. Suddenly solemn, he leans in and asks how he's going to die. "Lung cancer?" he wonders. "No," Bruckman responds. "Thank God," Blond Cop says, and heads for the john to smoke. Bruckman holds his old lady neighbor's gold lighter, and looks at it thoughtfully. "Don't open that door to anybody," says Blond Cop, before disappearing into the head. "Oh, God," Bruckman says. A knock comes at the door, and he immediately goes to open it, letting Putzy in with the room-service order. Bruckman gives him a tip, and goes to the tray. He picks up a spoon. Putzy fingers the bills. They turn to look at each other. Putzy comes right back into the room and picks up the knife from the tray. "Was that not enough for a tip?" Bruckman asks. "They brought you right to me! Right to where I was!" Putzy exclaims. Bruckman grouses that it's funny how things work out like that. Putzy takes a seat, and asks Bruckman why Putzy is doing such terrible things. "Don't you understand yet, son?" Bruckman asks. "Don't you get it? You do the things you do because you're a homicidal maniac." Putzy mulls this over. "That does explain a lot, doesn't it? It's all starting to make sense now," he says. "But you don't kill me yet," Bruckman tells him. "Why not?" Putzy asks. "How should I know?" Bruckman says. Well, it's because Putzy has to kill Blond Cop, who has just stumbled out of the bathroom.

Over at the crime scene, Scully finds a tarot card; it's the Page of Cups, an image of a man dressed much like Putzy in his bellman's uniform. Mulder and Bald Cop discuss the fact that the killer's getting sloppy; this time, he's left the eyes and the entrails, and probably a whole bunch of fingerprints. Scully thoughtfully looks around, and finds another strand of fiber. On her fingernail. She looks up, wide-eyed and calls for Mulder. "It's the bellhop," she says. "He's the killer. The bellhop at the hotel!" They look at each other, and race out. I'd just like to point out that Scully's right here, for once. She also got to drive the car. Make a note of it.

Hotel. Putzy dashes into a stairwell just as Scully comes around the corner. She misses him. Bruckman's room is empty.

What plays out next is exactly what Bruckman foresaw for Mulder; Mulder hunts Putzy through the kitchen. Chase, chase, chase, pie. Mulder slowly looks down at the banana cream pooling around his foot, then turns around, rapidly. But Putzy is behind him. Now, I mean. Before he turned around to look for him behind him, Putzy was in front of Mulder. Nifty, huh? Putzy holds the knife to Mulder's pretty, pretty neck. They struggle. Mulder falls to the ground, and Putzy raises the knife. He's about to stab Mulder when the service elevator doors open, revealing a confused-looking Scully. She draws her gun. "Drop it!" she yells. And shoots him through the chest. The knife bounces harmlessly off Mulder's shirtfront. "Hey, that's not the way it's supposed to happen," Putzy comments, right before he drops dead. Scully runs to her partner's side. She explains that she got in the service elevator by mistake. "Thank heaven for happenstance," Mulder says, and Scully points out that Bruckman's prophecy came true. She then tells Mulder that Putzy killed Blond Cop, and that she can't find Bruckman.

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X-Files

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